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TOPIC # 48 People work because they need money to live. What are some other reasons that people work? v.1

TOPIC # 48 People work because they need money to live. What are some other reasons that people work? v. 1
In current years, most television and newspaper reports are mainly on challenges and drawbacks instead of focusing on positive events. It is thought by some that it is dangerous to not only the country but it’s residents. I completely agree with this viewpoint Broadcasting negative news stories about a society can obstruct ties and aid with other countries. That is, most foreign countries will not want to partner with the home country for development or even render help. They will be portrayed as a derailing society, hence most countries will avoid them. In fact, partnering states will likely cut ties with societies with bad reputations. For example, USA threatened to end partnership with Nigeria in 2019 if they do not rectify some highlighted terrible news aired about them. In addition, people might not school or work in that country and it will affect their economy, Furthermore, repetitive problematic news also poses risks for an individual, especially the youths. Breaking news stories about major crime can serve as an eye opener for them to learn to commit and even invent similar atrocities. They will assume terrible acts are cool because majority of news stories are mostly about problematic situations. For instance, Punch newspaper reported an imitated cyber crime where the perpetrator heard about it on television news. These kind of news should have been thoroughly investigated and stopped without being aired as it can make individuals feel unsafe and loose hope in the country’s progress at large. In conclusion, recently, majority of broadcast focus on problems and neglect positive innovations. I strongly believe that it will strain or end relationships with other countries and arouse bad intentions in people, therefore media houses should focus on stories that will uplift the society and its people.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
years, most television and newspaper reports are
mainly
on challenges and drawbacks
instead
of focusing on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it’s residents. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
viewpoint


Broadcasting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stories
about a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
can obstruct ties and aid with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
That is
, most foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will not want to partner with the home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
for development or even render
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
. They will
be portrayed
as a derailing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
,
hence
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will avoid them. In fact, partnering states will likely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
ties with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
reputations.
For example
, USA threatened to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
partnership with Nigeria in 2019 if they do not rectify
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
highlighted terrible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
aired about them.
In addition
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
might not school or work in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and it will affect their economy,

Furthermore
, repetitive problematic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
also
poses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
for an individual,
especially
the youths. Breaking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stories
about major crime can serve as an
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
eye opener
for them to learn to commit and even invent similar atrocities. They will assume terrible acts are cool
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stories
are
mostly
about problematic situations.
For instance
, Punch newspaper reported an imitated cyber crime where the perpetrator heard about it on television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
.
Did you mean "this kind" or "These kinds"?
These kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
should have been
thoroughly
investigated and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
without
being aired
as it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
individuals feel unsafe and loose hope in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
progress at large.

In conclusion
, recently,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
broadcast focus on problems and neglect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
innovations. I
strongly
believe that it will strain or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
relationships with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and arouse
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
intentions in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
therefore
media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
should focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stories
that will uplift the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TOPIC # 48 People work because they need money to live. What are some other reasons that people work? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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