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TOPIC# 24 a person you know is planning to move to your town or city. What do you think that person would like and dislike about living in your town or city? v.1

TOPIC# 24 a person you know is planning to move to your town or city. What do you think that person would like and dislike about living in your town or city? v. 1
Our city is an important part of our lives. It is where we live and where we spend most of the time. My city located in east of asia, It is Baghdad and located in the middle of Iraq, In my view, the person who visit my city would like foods and its climate and he will dislike the different language that it is very difficult to other people. I think this is because many reasons. To begin with, we have variety of food and it is very famous and healthy. In my home town, we have to cook our food by ourselves since we love fresh food. Take my friend as an example, when I was in pharmacy school and I had a friend from China, she often acknowledges that we prepare and cook our food by ourselves, one day, She visited us and my family prepared many kinds of foods such as dolma, tabula and kabsa. All these foods were healthy and my friend really loved them since she explained us that they don' t cook, and most of their food are fast foods that have high calories. In fact, she said that because she ate in the restaurant, she has many problems such as obesity and high cholesterol. Actually, she addicts on our food, for she likes it. This experience taught me that all stranger significantly will love our food. Hence, in addition to food, the visitors wold dislike our language that is very hard to other people. We talk arabic language which needs effort to speak with it. for instance, my aunt lives in French, few years ago, she came to settle her in Baghdad, She doen' t speak arabic, so had difficult situation that time. She didn' t communicate with us correctly, yet she felt the language is hard. After awhile, she could speak and discuss with us easily. As we can clearly see, our language is hard to other people. Last but not least, my city climate is variable, so some visitors repel the cold climate in winter. While other would like our summer that is very nice since our town is mountainous, so some newcomers like our summer because they escaped from very cold winter. I read an article about our weather and the author asserts that our climate is amazing to people who live in cold weather and hot weather. The article avers that some neighbors country have a very hot that is unbearably such Bahren, Suadia arabia so they visit our city many times. I think the newcomer will obviousely like our climate. By the way of conclusion, based on the argument above, I concur and believe that visitors would like food and valor residents and they would dislike our language. We should improve our city to attract tourists.
Our city is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. It is where we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
and where we spend most of the time. My city located in east of
Possible spelling mistake found.
asia
, It is Baghdad and located in the middle of Iraq, In my view, the person who visit my city would like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and its
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
climate and
he will dislike the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, we have variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
and healthy. In my home town, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
cook our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
by ourselves since we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. Take my friend as an example, when I was in pharmacy school and I had a friend from China, she
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
acknowledges that we prepare and cook our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
by ourselves, one day, She visited us and my family prepared
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
dolma
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
tabula
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
kabsa
. All these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
were healthy and my friend
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
them since she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
The verb 'to explain something to someone' requires a preposition.
us
that they
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t cook, and most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
that have high calories. In fact, she said that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she ate in the restaurant, she has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems such as obesity and high cholesterol. Actually, she addicts on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, for she likes it. This experience taught me that all stranger
significantly
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
our food.

Hence
,
in addition
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "visitors'" or "visitor's"?
visitors
wold dislike our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. We talk
Possible spelling mistake found.
arabic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
which needs effort to speak with it.
for instance
, my aunt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
in French, few years ago, she came to settle her in Baghdad, She
Possible spelling mistake found.
doen&
#039; t speak
Possible spelling mistake found.
arabic
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
had difficult situation that time. She
Possible spelling mistake found.
didn&
#039; t communicate with us
correctly
,
yet
she felt the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
. After
Did you mean "a while"?
awhile
, she could speak and discuss with us
easily
. As we can
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, my city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
climate
is variable,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
visitors repel the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
climate
in winter. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
would like our summer
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
nice since our town is mountainous,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
newcomers like our summer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they escaped from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
winter. I read an article about our weather and the author asserts that our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
climate
is amazing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
weather and hot weather. The article avers that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
neighbors country have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
hot
that is
unbearably
such
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bahren
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Suadia
arabia
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they visit our city
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the newcomer will
Possible spelling mistake found.
obviousely
like our climate.

By the way of conclusion, based on the argument above, I concur and believe that visitors would like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and valor
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
residents and
they would dislike our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
. We should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our city to attract tourists.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Mistakes

IELTS essay TOPIC# 24 a person you know is planning to move to your town or city. What do you think that person would like and dislike about living in your town or city? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
468 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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