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TOPIC 2: Some people think that the government is wasting money on arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view? v.2

TOPIC 2: Some people think that the government is wasting money on arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. v. 2
Few among masses believe that authority is squandering funds on creative activities and same could be a superior utility in other things. In this essay, I shall emphasize the people’s notion and give my opinion. As we all know, every individual to a certain level is unique with talent. Indeed, talent expresses distinct qualities one possesses. Firstly, in order to prosper one needs to develop their talent and master it to a level so that it could be of use in the future. Subsequently, to attain the quality one needs assistance and quality training to improve their skills. Therefore, government’s initiative spending money on these workshops would enable the individual to master the skills. On the other hand, the notion that the people have funding workshops to learn art as a waste activity in contrast with spending on other like for example science and technology. Although the notion is to an extent agreed however, it is art to have such a thoughtful provoke which enables representing science and technology. Lastly, there is a considerable contribution of the artistic people in making the world a better place in relation to science and technology. In conclusion, I firmly believe that just learning science and technology is not essential but also learning art and skill. Hence forth, I see authorities taking such initiatives and spend in art development. Moreover, the overemphasized view of some people thinking art learning is waste is absolutely incorrect.
Few among masses believe that authority is squandering funds on creative activities and same could be a superior utility in other things. In this essay, I shall emphasize the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
notion and give my opinion.

As we all know, every individual to a certain level is unique with talent.
Indeed
, talent expresses distinct qualities one possesses.
Firstly
, in order to prosper one needs to develop their talent and master it to a level
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it could be of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in the future.
Subsequently
, to attain the quality one needs assistance and quality training to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
’s initiative spending money on these workshops would enable the individual to master the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

On the other hand
, the notion that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have funding workshops to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
as a waste activity
in contrast
with spending on other like
for example
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and technology. Although the notion is to an extent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
however
, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
to have such a thoughtful provoke which enables representing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and technology.
Lastly
, there is a considerable contribution of the artistic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in making the world a better place in relation to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and technology.

In conclusion
, I
firmly
believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and technology is not essential
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
forth, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
authorities taking such initiatives and spend in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
development.
Moreover
, the overemphasized view of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
thinking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
learning is waste is
absolutely
incorrect.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay TOPIC 2: Some people think that the government is wasting money on arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
240 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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