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The most important consideration when choosing any career or job is having a high income. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.5

The most important consideration when choosing any career or job is having a high income. v. 5
Undoubtedly, there is plethora of criteria that should be considered while choosing a career. While I accept the idea that high salary should not be underestimated, I agree that other factors are of same importance as money for some reasons which will be discussed in this essay. On the one hand, high income is of utmost importance for fulfilling one’s basic needs in both present and future time. To illustrate, with a high salary, people can afford the life they dream of, for example, a descent house of their own, a car, a private healthcare and much more. This extravagant lifestyle is unattainable with low salary jobs. In addition, earning more money throughout early work life means more secured future. For instance, my uncle used to work as a physician in highly reputable organizations in the Gulf during his career life, and with his savings, he was able to pursue his dream to travel around the world after his retirement. From another angle, I am convinced that not only is high salary significant in opting for a career but there are also two other measures of paramount importance. Firstly, the work atmosphere which ought to be encouraging in order for employees can have the opportunity to be more creative. To exemplify, some corporations, Nestle for example, tend to announce the employee of the month based on specific criteria which creates an ethical competition between employees, and this would definitely lead to the progression of the staff and the enterprises as well. Moreover, the working hours is an indispensable factor while accepting any job offer, as some demanding jobs have unsociable working hours, weekend and night shifts for example, which may contribute to elevating the risk of some illnesses such as high blood pressure. To conclude, although it is true that earning high salary should not be neglected, I agree that other measures have to be taken in consideration while applying for a certain job.
Undoubtedly
, there is plethora of criteria that should
be considered
while choosing a career. While I accept the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
should not
be underestimated
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that other factors are of same importance as money for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons which will
be discussed
in this essay.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
income is of utmost importance for fulfilling one’s basic needs in both present and future time. To illustrate, with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can afford the life they dream of,
for example
, a descent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, a car, a private healthcare and much more. This extravagant lifestyle is unattainable with low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
In addition
, earning more money throughout early work life means more secured future.
For instance
, my uncle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to work as a physician in
highly
reputable organizations in the Gulf during his career life, and with his savings, he was able to pursue his dream to travel around the world after his retirement.

From another angle, I
am convinced
that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
significant in opting for a career
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
also
two other measures of paramount importance.
Firstly
, the work atmosphere which ought to be encouraging in order for employees can have the opportunity to be more creative. To exemplify,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
corporations, Nestle
for example
, tend to announce the employee of the month based on specific criteria which creates an ethical competition between employees, and this would definitely lead to the progression of the staff and the enterprises
as well
.
Moreover
, the working hours is an indispensable factor while accepting any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
offer, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
demanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
have unsociable working hours, weekend and night shifts
for example
, which may contribute to elevating the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
illnesses such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
blood pressure.

To conclude
, although it is true that earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
should not
be neglected
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that other measures
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be taken
in consideration while applying for a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay The most important consideration when choosing any career or job is having a high income. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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