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Topic 1: Crime rate, in most countries, is often higher in urban areas than in rural areas. Why do you think that is? What can be done to reduce the crime rate? v.1

Topic 1: Crime rate, in most countries, is often higher in urban areas than in rural areas. Why do you think that is? What can be done to reduce the crime rate? v. 1
Punishments are thought to help children distinguish between what is right and what is wrong. In my opinion, that could be partially true in many cases, but in others could lead to emotional problems. Many parents are trying to develop a punishment technique to teach their children that their actions have consequences. If a child in his early days understands that his manners should be cited according to strong morals, ethics, and values, he will perhaps turn up into a well-respected adult who is beneficial to society. In other words, in order to contribute to developing a better nation, effectively raising your children is the main concern. In one hand, Punishments allow children to rethink about their attitude because of either fear or regret which could weaken the child's relationship with his parents. However, if a parent used his power to abuse his child with the wrong punishment this could inevitably cause him an emotional and physical problem. Consequently, other ways could be more effective in enhancing the child's personality as leading by example, in particular, a child's probability of copying his parents’ behaviour is very high in his beginning years, so ensuring that the child is raised in a healthy environment is more significantly encouraging than punishments. In an early age, children shouldn’t be allowed to use all his time in playing, if he made a wrong deed. But to increase his awareness, parents should give him small tasks such as participating in cleaning his room, that way learns him to be more responsible. Also, Educational institution should engage teenagers in teaching younger children, which could seem like a punishment for them, but it is more of a chance to teach them better leadership. Other punishments as silent treatment or physical hitting should not be encouraged as it will only result in more harm to the child’s well being. Furthermore, decreasing allowance for young adults could push them to take summer jobs which may cut down their free time and prevent them from making mistakes. In conclusion, schools and parents should be more aware of what kind of punishments they are using in order to maintain a close relationship with their child. Doing community work or housework are features of enhancing a child’s ability to be a better individual.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Punishments
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
distinguish between what is right and what is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
. In my opinion, that could be
partially
true in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in others could lead to emotional problems.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are trying to develop a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
technique to teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that their actions have consequences. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
in his early days understands that his manners should
be cited
according to strong morals, ethics, and values, he will perhaps turn up into a well-respected adult who is beneficial to society. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, in order to contribute to developing a better nation,
effectively
raising your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is the main concern. In one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Punishments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to rethink about their attitude
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of either fear or regret which could weaken the child's relationship with his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
However
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
his power to abuse his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
this could
inevitably
cause him an emotional and physical problem.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
ways could be more effective in enhancing the child's personality as leading by example,
in particular
, a child's probability of copying his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high in his beginning years,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
ensuring that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is raised
in a healthy environment is more
significantly
encouraging than punishments.

In an early age,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
shouldn’t be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
all his time in playing, if he made a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
deed.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
to increase his awareness,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should give him
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
tasks such as participating in cleaning his room, that way learns him to be more responsible.
Also
, Educational institution should engage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
in teaching younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, which could seem like a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
for them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is more of a chance to teach them better leadership.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
as silent treatment or physical hitting should not
be encouraged
as it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
result in more harm to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
.
Furthermore
, decreasing allowance for young adults could push them to take summer jobs which may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down their free time and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from making mistakes.

In conclusion
, schools and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should be more aware of what kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
they are using in order to maintain a close relationship with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. Doing community work or housework are features of enhancing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
ability to be a better individual.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Topic 1: Crime rate, in most countries, is often higher in urban areas than in rural areas. Why do you think that is? What can be done to reduce the crime rate? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
380 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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