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Some people think that computers and the internet are more important for a child's education than going to school. But others believe that schools and teachers are essential for children to learn effectively. Discuss both views and give your own opin v.2

Some people think that computers and the internet are more important for a child's education than going to school. But others believe that schools and teachers are essential for children to learn effectively. 2
As health is one of the most important areas of human's life there are many arguments about it. It has been claimed that in the future people are likely to have lower well-being standard. I completely agree with this statement as from my point of view, people's health will deteriorate due to the high levels of stress, sedentary life and junk food consumption. To begin with, with the introduction of technology, it brought not only benefits, but drawbacks. First, people started to spend a great amount of time in front of their computers since many tasks could be done by the usage of it. It results in the fact of forgetting to move from time to time so problems with health such as digestion diseases or psychological disorders are occurred. For instance, dwellers who have to travel big distances to get to the work and especially office workers possess a bigger chance to suffer from many chronical diseases in the future due to the time they spend in sitting position. Secondly, the stress people get every day also have a great impact on both their mental and physical health. Living in eternal stressful condition, people become more nervous, irritable and aggressive, the level of tension increases. The consequences are mental diseases which produce or exacerbate physical problems as an organism cannot deal with it greatly. In addition, researches show that people with a higher level of stress are likely to have obesity and woes with weight. It happens as in the condition of stress our organism has a desire to get dopamine, the reward to mitigate the mood, and in the role of this reward can be tasty food such as fast food, which also deteriorate health due to the high content of sugar, fats and flavour enhancers. To conclude, i agree with this statement about people's lower health standard. There is a strong evidence of a connection between sedentary life and stress levels and decreasing health standard and statistics show that it will continue in the future.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
areas of human's life there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
arguments about it. It has
been claimed
that in the future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are likely to have lower well-being standard. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement as from my point of view,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
will deteriorate due to the high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
, sedentary life and junk food consumption.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, with the introduction of technology, it brought not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
benefits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
drawbacks.
First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to spend a great amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in front of their computers since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tasks could
be done
by the usage of it. It results in the fact of forgetting to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
problems with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
such as digestion diseases or psychological disorders
are occurred
.
For instance
, dwellers who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
travel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
distances to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to the work and
especially
office workers possess a bigger chance to suffer from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
chronical
diseases in the future due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they spend in sitting position.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
every day
also
have a great impact on both their mental and physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. Living in eternal stressful condition,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become more nervous, irritable and aggressive, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of tension increases. The consequences are mental diseases which produce or exacerbate physical problems as an organism cannot deal with it
greatly
.
In addition
, researches
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
are likely to have obesity and woes with weight. It happens as in the condition of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
our organism has a desire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
dopamine, the reward to mitigate the mood, and in the role of this reward can be tasty food such as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food, which
also
deteriorate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
due to the high content of sugar, fats and
Possible spelling mistake. 'flavour' is British English.
flavour
enhancers.

To conclude
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's lower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
standard. There is a strong evidence of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
sedentary life and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
and decreasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
standard and statistics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that it will continue in the future.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that computers and the internet are more important for a child's education than going to school. But others believe that schools and teachers are essential for children to learn effectively. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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