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Too much money is spent on maintaining and repairing old buildings. Some people think that they should be knocked out to give way to modern buildings. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Too much money is spent on maintaining and repairing old buildings. Some people think that they should be knocked out to give way to modern buildings. v. 1
In the modern world, many people are willing to demolish old buildings, in order to construct modern skyscrapers, business districts or shopping centres. However, others feel that old constructions should be protected, because they are one of the national heritages. Personally, I reckon that individuals and authorities should take care of these constructions. First and foremost, old buildings represent the history and art of ancient people. That is to say, construction materials, art works and domestic items are crucial for the next generation, if they are willing to know about their ancestors’ life. A good illustration of this is paintings, because nowadays, the vast majority of drawings are painted by the previous generation, which can help to know their tradition and culture. Secondly, living in old low-rise buildings is safer than the life in modern high-rise buildings. In this regard, it is widely though that tall structures can be damaged by natural disasters, such as blizzard and strong winds. For instance, in case of trouble, evacuation of people would be more organized than evacuating people from skyscrapers. On the other hand, new constructions can be an innovative way to develop the economy. These buildings can save a plethora of time, because of its location. Consequently, office workers and city dwellers do not need to walk long distances, in order to get to their workplace. To illustrate, many town dwellers would like to live near their work, and it gives them an opportunity to use their time efficiently. Furthermore, living in new accommodation can offer comfort and convenience. Due to advanced technologies and sophisticated construction materials, individuals often choose such kind of buildings, instead of old one. For example, office workers can be gathered in a small space, and they can collaborate with colleagues, in order to expand their businesses. In conclusion, although many people tend to think that old structures should be demolished, personally, I believe that these constructions are part of our history. Accordingly, they should be protected.
In the modern world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are willing to demolish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
, in order to construct modern skyscrapers, business districts or shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
.
However
, others feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
constructions
should
be protected
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are one of the national heritages.
Personally
, I reckon that individuals and authorities should take care of these constructions.

First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
represent the history and art of ancient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
That is
to say,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
construction
materials, art works and domestic items are crucial for the
next
generation, if they are willing to know about their ancestors’ life. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration of this is paintings,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
nowadays, the vast majority of drawings
are painted
by the previous generation, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to know their tradition and culture.
Secondly
, living in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
low-rise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
is safer than the life in modern high-rise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
. In this regard, it is
widely
though that tall structures can
be damaged
by natural disasters, such as blizzard and strong winds.
For instance
, in case of trouble, evacuation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would be more organized than evacuating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from skyscrapers.

On the other hand
, new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
constructions
can be an innovative way to develop the economy. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
can save a plethora of time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its location.
Consequently
, office workers and city dwellers do not need to walk long distances, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to their workplace. To illustrate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
town dwellers would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
near their work, and it gives them an opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their time
efficiently
.
Furthermore
, living in new accommodation can offer comfort and convenience. Due to advanced technologies and sophisticated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
construction
materials, individuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
choose such kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
,
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
one.
For example
, office workers can
be gathered
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
space, and they can collaborate with colleagues, in order to expand their businesses.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
structures should
be demolished
,
personally
, I believe that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
constructions
are part of our history.
Accordingly
, they should
be protected
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Too much money is spent on maintaining and repairing old buildings. Some people think that they should be knocked out to give way to modern buildings. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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