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There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays? v.13

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays? v. 13
Now a day, there is a variety of music all over the world. This is because people need an escape from their routine life and music is the best way to get escape as it refreshes our minds and soul. Furthermore, I believe, traditional music of a country is the most important because it is the heritage of a country. Firstly, as we are living in the 21st century, where people are so busy with their routine life that they hardly get enough time for themselves and that’s why many people get escape from their busy schedule by listening music. As it is well known that music is the essence of life, it refreshes our minds. Moreover, a huge number of people listen to musicmusic for entertainment and to enjoy. For example, in our country number of office employees listen music during the break in office hours or when they travel they love to listen music. Secondly, in my opinion, traditional music of a country is very important as it represents cultural values and heritage of a county. In addition, it is more soothing and refreshing compared to fast music which is now a day quite popular among young generation. For instance, in Pakistan, large number of the population listens to our traditional music such as Qawali’s, Ghazals and folk music. To conclude, I believe, in today’s world music has become the essential part of our life. The reason behind this is that people relaxed while listening music from their hectic and busy life as music soothes their souls and energize them. However, traditional music represents the cultural values of a country and many people prefer it over international music.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
a day, there is a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
all over the world. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need an escape from their routine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is the best way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
escape as it refreshes our minds and soul.
Furthermore
, I believe,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is the heritage of a country.

Firstly
, as we are living in the 21st century, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
busy with their routine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
that they hardly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time for themselves and that’s why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
escape from their busy schedule by listening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. As it is well known that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is the essence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, it refreshes our minds.
Moreover
, a huge number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
musicmusic
for entertainment and to enjoy.
For example
, in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
number of office employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
during the break in office hours or when they travel they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
music.

Secondly
, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as it represents cultural values and heritage of a county.
In addition
, it is more soothing and refreshing compared to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
a day quite popular among young generation.
For instance
, in Pakistan, large number of the population
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listens
to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Qawali
’s,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ghazals
and folk music.

To conclude
, I believe, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has become the essential part of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. The reason behind this is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
relaxed while listening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
from their hectic and busy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
soothes their souls and energize them.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
represents the cultural values of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer it over international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays? v. 13

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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