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many animals are becoming extint because of human activities. why is this happening and what should be done. v.1

many animals are becoming extint because of human activities. why is this happening and what should be done. v. 1
In the today's world of technology and modernization, it has often been perceived by many the one can learn about the life and culture of a place through internet without any need to travel the place. In my opinion, I completely disagree with this view as visiting and interacting to learn about the place and its culture is completely different and fulfilling experience. To begin with, it is undeniable that nowadays with the easy access to the internet it is quite convenient to gain knowledge of the places, their history, cultures, tourist attractions and even view them virtually online. For example, Google street view almost makes the person feel as if they are really walking on the streets and looking at the buildings around them in any city in the world. But all this can still can't match the feel of experiencing them live. Images found online often undermine the true ambience of the place. Although knowledge gained online can help people plan their trip better so that they can get maximum out of it, but it cannot act as the substitute of visiting the place. Cultures and lifestyle can only be understood better when interacted with the native people and participating in cultural activities. For instance, a study by the Tourism department at Oxford university has proved that humans feel more enriched and fulfilled, learn and imbibe foreign culture better when visiting those places physically. To conclude, I believe that online information is good for organizing the trip better to maximize the experience, learning about the culture and the life of the place but cannot replace the need for travel.
In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world of technology and modernization, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
been perceived
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
the one can learn about the life and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
through internet without any need to travel the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
. In my opinion, I completely disagree with this view as visiting and interacting to learn about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
and its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
is completely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
and fulfilling experience.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is undeniable that nowadays with the easy access to the internet it is quite convenient to gain knowledge of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
, their history,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
, tourist attractions and even view them
virtually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
.
For example
, Google street view almost
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the person feel as if they are
really
walking on the streets and looking at
Consider using "the surrounding buildings".
the buildings around them
in any city in the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
all this can
still
can't match the feel of experiencing them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.

Images found
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
undermine the true ambience of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
. Although knowledge gained
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
plan their trip
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
maximum out of it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it cannot act as the substitute of visiting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cultures
and lifestyle can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be understood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
when interacted with the native
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and participating in cultural activities.
For instance
, a study by the Tourism department at Oxford university has proved that humans feel more enriched and fulfilled, learn and imbibe foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
when visiting those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
physically
.

To conclude
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
information is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for organizing the trip
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
to maximize the experience, learning about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and the life of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
cannot replace the need for travel.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay many animals are becoming extint because of human activities. why is this happening and what should be done. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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