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TOEFL essay: The government has announced that it plans to build a new university. Some people think that your community would be a good place to locate the university. Compare the advantages and disadvantages of establishing a new university in. . . v.1

TOEFL essay: The government has announced that it plans to build a new university. Some people think that your community would be a good place to locate the university. Compare the advantages and disadvantages of establishing a new university in. . . v. 1
There are many parameters which may have some impacts on a society. One of them can be building a new university in the community by government. Some people believe that the community would be a good place to locate the university. For sure it would have some advantages and disadvantage. To begin with, building a new university would make the city known to other people. Students from other cities want to apply for this university so there would be more visitors and tourists which is a great help for the tourism industry of the city and can help to improve the economy of the city. You would meet new people from different cities or even countries and you can make friends with them. Moreover, more groceries, outlets, cinemas, and restaurants would be built to support the people of the community. In addition, many people decide to make their business in that area so the job opportunities for the people in that area would increase. On the other hand, there would be more cars in the streets which leads to air pollution and more traffic jam. Also as there are variety of people in the community, it would not be a safe place any more. Different people from different parts of the country come to the city which makes it unsafe. There can be more people who are looking for rooms in that area which leads to the lack of homes or apartments or even it leads to higher rents. Building a new university is a good idea and has benefits for the people who lives in that area but I believe its disadvantages are more than the benefits. The safety of the place I live is too much important for me. I want to make sure that if something emergency happens and I need to go out at night, I would be safe and nothing would happen to me. To sum up, building a new university would effect the community in both good ways and bad ways. All in all its disadvantages are more than its advantages because of the air pollution and the traffic jam it causes, also it makes the city an unsafe place to live.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parameters which may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
impacts on a society. One of them can be building a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
would be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
to locate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. For
The comma is probably missing here: "sure, it".
sure it
would have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages and disadvantage.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, building a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the city known to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Students from other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
want to apply for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
there would be more visitors and tourists which is a great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
for the tourism industry of the city and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the economy of the city. You would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
or even countries and you can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
friends with them.
Moreover
, more groceries, outlets, cinemas, and restaurants would
be built
to support the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
decide to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their business in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the job opportunities for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
would increase.

On the other hand
, there would be more cars in the streets which leads to air pollution and more traffic jam.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
as there are variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
, it would not be a safe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
Did you mean the adverb "anymore"?
any more
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of the country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to the city which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
it unsafe. There can be more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are looking for rooms in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
which leads to the lack of homes or apartments or even it leads to higher rents.

Building a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and has benefits for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
Did you mean "live"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
lives
in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe its disadvantages are more than the benefits. The safety of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
is too much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for me. I want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
sure that if something emergency happens and I need to go out at night, I would be safe and nothing would happen to me.

To sum up, building a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
would
Did you mean "affect"?
effect
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
in both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
ways and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
ways. All in all its disadvantages are more than its advantages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the air pollution and the traffic jam it causes,
also
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
the city an unsafe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
42Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay TOEFL essay: The government has announced that it plans to build a new university. Some people think that your community would be a good place to locate the university. Compare the advantages and disadvantages of establishing a new university in. . . v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
368 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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