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The charts below show the percentages of time used on different activities in an American office in 1980 and 2006. Summarize the information by selectin and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. v.1

The charts below show the percentages of time used on different activities in an American office in 1980 and 2006.
The role of technology in our everyday lives cannot be overemphasized. It is believed by people that technological development has helped to limit criminal offences, others think that technology promotes these crimes. In my opinion, I believe that advanced technology has drastically decreased misconduct levels. On the one hand, I believe that technology has played a big role in reducing crime because of the fear it imposes in the hearts of potential criminals. In a country where these technological tools are being used, criminals are on the low because they know that the machine can easily detect them. For example, ever since the Nigerian government installed a surveillance camera on the road, the rate of road robbery drastically reduced. This goes to show how effective technical tools are in curbing crime. On the other hand, it is thought that technology has increased crime rate because of the vast sources of information available online to criminals. In the past, before a criminal act is committed, it could take years of planning by the perpetrators but now these acts can be committed easily by just a tap of a button even without the perpetrator leaving his position. To illustrate, the highly notorious armed robber, Anini, who was caught in the early 1990s admitted he got all the information he needed to rob the Nigerian Bank of Commerce right off the internet In conclusion, although the scandal rate has increased because of the huge amount of information present on the internet, I believe that the fear imposed by technological tools has indeed reduced the spread of crime.
The role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in our everyday
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
cannot
be overemphasized
. It
is believed
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that technological development has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
to limit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
promotes these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. In my opinion, I believe that advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
drastically
decreased misconduct levels.

On the one hand, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has played a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
role in reducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the fear it imposes in the hearts of potential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
. In a country where these technological tools are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
are on the low
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they know that the machine can
easily
detect them.
For example
, ever since the Nigerian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
installed a surveillance camera on the road, the rate of road robbery
drastically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
. This goes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
how effective technical tools are in curbing crime.

On the other hand
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the vast sources of information available online to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
. In the past,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
act
is committed
, it could take years of planning by the perpetrators
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
these acts can
be committed
easily
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a tap of a button even without the perpetrator leaving his position. To illustrate, the
highly
notorious armed robber,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Anini
, who
was caught
in the early 1990s admitted he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
all the information he needed to rob the Nigerian Bank of Commerce right off the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
internet


In conclusion
, although the scandal rate has increased
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the huge amount of information present on the internet, I believe that the fear imposed by technological tools has
indeed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the spread of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay The charts below show the percentages of time used on different activities in an American office in 1980 and 2006.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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