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TOEFL essay: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People are never satisfied with what they have; they always want something more or something different. Use specific reasons to support your answer. v.2

TOEFL essay: People are never satisfied with what they have; they always want something more or something different. Use specific reasons to support your answer. v. 2
There has been a colossal upsurge in prodigies discussing the topic of appropriate school-going age for children. While many people believe that toddlers should start school as early as possible, others think that they should spend their time at home until they turn seven. I, wholeheartedly, agree with the latter view. The main reason most parents want their infants to join the academy is to learn the fundamental things early. Undoubtedly, this is the age when a child's cognitive development occurs at a full pace, and schools are expected to provide them ample opportunities to learn and grab new things as compared to home. In school, they will not only learn important subjects like "Mathematics" or "English" but also other behaviours and ethical aspects which will help in shaping their future. On the flip side, children till the age of six or seven should spend time with their parents at home as they learn what they see or observe in their early childhood. In other words, they cannot distinguish between good and bad habits and can be misguided easily at the institute. In addition to this, pressure in schools may cause damage to infants and restrict their ability to play freely and learn from nature. The school is often accused of restricting their freedom and deprives them of enjoying their childhood. A recent survey in Washington has revealed that early education puts too much emphasis on formal learning and robs children of their creative ability. To recapitulate, despite the numerous benefits of the early school, I think infants should not be sent to school until the age of seven to protect them from bad habits and provide them more independence to cherish their childhood.
There has been a colossal upsurge in prodigies discussing the topic of appropriate school-going
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
for children. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that toddlers should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
as possible, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they should spend their time at home until they turn seven. I,
wholeheartedly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter view.

The main reason most parents want their infants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the academy is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
the fundamental things
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
.
Undoubtedly
, this is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
when a child's cognitive development occurs at a full pace, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to provide them ample opportunities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
and grab new things as compared to home. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, they will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
subjects like
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Mathematics
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
or
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
English
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
other
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
and ethical aspects which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in shaping their future.

On the flip side, children till the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of six or seven should spend time with their parents at home as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
or observe in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
childhood.
In other words
, they cannot distinguish between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits and can
be misguided
easily
at the institute.
In addition
to this, pressure in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
may cause damage to infants and restrict their ability to play
freely
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
from nature. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
accused of restricting their freedom and deprives them of enjoying their childhood. A recent survey in Washington has revealed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
education puts too much emphasis on formal learning and robs children of their creative ability.

To recapitulate, despite the numerous benefits of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
infants should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
until the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of seven to protect them from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits and provide them more independence to cherish their childhood.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay TOEFL essay: People are never satisfied with what they have; they always want something more or something different. Use specific reasons to support your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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