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School and university students learn lessons far better from their teachers than from other sources such as the Internet and television To what extent do you agree or disagree v.1

School and university students learn lessons far better from their teachers than from other sources such as the Internet and television v. 1
It is a common belief that to motivate the people who stay healthy is a better way rather than the cost of obese people's treatment. I will briefly elaborate this supporting by the health lifestyle. In the modern life, many people suffer with a sedentative life, so some eating problems and overweight issue can occur. To inhibit, the ministry managers should enable to motivate these people before getting overweigh. Therefore, they can not catch other illness reason of the obesity. Clearly, not only the worst problem being obese, also diabetes type-2 or heart diseases are a major issue for the people who work at the office or do not some sport activities. I firmly agree that in order to eliminate the rate of the overweight individuals should be done low cost for the communities. For instance, in my town, the municipality opened a sport park last year. The residents have begun to use these sports tools at the park. This year, many of them lost weight and every single day they visit there to do their habits. That is to say, the residents keep aware of this basic habit how its importance. On the other hand, even if a person's consent to make a balance diet after being obese, it should be so hard. His or her stomach can not be empty, because of more consuming such as any snacks or fast food. However, if the authorities give more advice to the public to stay health, everybody can keep away from these types of sustenances. For example, the patients with type 2 diabetes have more problems with their kidney, if they suffer with obesity same time. To treat them, some special machine is necessary, and every single time they must go to the hospital. For this reason, the cost is significantly increasing. Also, their life quality and past health days have never liked as before. In conclusion, I restate that obesity should inhibit from the society in order to get a balanced diet habits. The ministry of health should keep an eye on the rate of the obese people, and how much it is cost. The budget should manage for the public health before they are getting the disease.
It is a common belief that to motivate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who stay healthy is a better way
rather
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
obese
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's treatment. I will
briefly
elaborate this supporting by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
lifestyle.

In the modern life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffer with a
Possible spelling mistake found.
sedentative
life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
eating problems and overweight issue can occur. To inhibit, the ministry managers should enable to motivate these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
getting
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweigh
.
Therefore
, they can not catch other illness reason of the obesity.
Clearly
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the worst problem being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
obese
,
also
diabetes type-2 or heart diseases are a major issue for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who work at the office or do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sport activities. I
firmly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that in order to eliminate the rate of the overweight individuals should
be done
low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
for the communities.
For instance
, in my town, the municipality opened a sport park last year. The residents have begun to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these sports tools at the park. This year,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them lost weight and every single day they visit there to do their habits.
That is
to say, the residents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
aware of this basic habit how its importance.

On the other hand
, even if a person's consent to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a balance diet after being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
obese
, it should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
His or her
stomach can not be empty,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of more consuming such as any snacks or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food.
However
, if the authorities give more advice to the public to stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, everybody can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
away from these types of
Possible spelling mistake found.
sustenances
.
For example
, the patients with type 2 diabetes have more problems with their kidney, if they suffer with obesity same time. To treat them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
special machine is necessary, and every single time they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
go to the hospital.
For this reason
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
is
significantly
increasing.
Also
, their life quality and past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
days have never liked as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

In conclusion
, I restate that obesity should inhibit from the society in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a balanced diet
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "habit"?
habits
. The ministry of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
an eye on the rate of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
obese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and how much it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
. The budget should manage for the public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they are getting the disease.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay School and university students learn lessons far better from their teachers than from other sources such as the Internet and television v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
369 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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