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Nowadays children prefer electronic games to other games and toys? Why is it happening? is it a positive or negative development? v.1

Nowadays children prefer electronic games to other games and toys? Why is it happening? is it a positive or negative development? v. 1
Electronic cars are an innovation of the modern technology that do not burn fossil fuels. Furthermore, they should be replacing vehicles which pollute the environment by their emissions. People are of the view that nature should be saved now, instead of depleting it more. This is possible by the means of reducing the release of greenhouse gases into the atmosphere by banning automobiles, which use them and replacing them with newer more sustainable technology. Although some people believe that replacing them might not be possible since, the newer cars are not as powerful and cost almost twice as much! I strongly agree with the statement that the we should not let our natural resources deplete furthermore. Our planet earth is surrounded by a layer of gas known as ozone. This provides the basic insulation from the heat of the sun, thereby preventing melting of ice glaciers and a rise in the sea levels. Due to the release of toxic gases from fuel based automobiles, this layer is getting depleted and leading to the entry of much more heat from the sun. These gases are unable to escape the atmosphere and accumulate, leading to the greenhouse effect. Statistics also show that global mean temperature has risen in the last few years and the most common cause of this was automobile emissions. All of this may ultimately lead to the destruction of the environment which we live and breathe in. Banning such harmful vehicles and adopting a much safer technology might prove beneficial for the future generations to come. The older vehicles used fuels like petroleum and diesel to power their engines. They provided ample amounts of power to different type of consumers and the price for buying and maintenance was also affordable. The newer electrically powered cars cost twice as much for their production and might turn out to be costlier. Most of the automobile companies don't want to produce them due to the fear of lesser sales and high production estimates. This problem can be effectively tackled by the government, who can provide the industries with sufficient funds of their own budget so as to sustain the expenditures. To conclude, The risks posed by the continued use of fossil fuels are very harmful to the global environment and should be kept under check. However, this won't be possible until our government amends certain bills and makes a few changes in the law. There might be a proportion of people who will be unsatisfied by such actions, but they can be convinced by proper education and counselling.
Electronic cars are an innovation of the modern technology that do not burn fossil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuels
.
Furthermore
, they should be replacing vehicles which pollute the environment by their emissions.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are of the view that nature should
be saved
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
,
instead
of depleting it more. This is possible by the means of reducing the release of greenhouse gases into the atmosphere by banning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
automobiles
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them and replacing them with newer more sustainable technology. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that replacing them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
not be possible since, the newer cars are not as powerful and cost almost twice as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
! I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that
Possible typo. Did you mean "the" or "we"?
the we
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
our natural resources deplete
furthermore
.

Our planet earth
is surrounded
by a layer of gas known as ozone. This provides the basic insulation from the heat of the sun, thereby preventing melting of ice glaciers and a rise in the sea levels. Due to the release of toxic gases from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuel
based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
automobiles
, this layer is getting depleted and leading to the entry of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
more heat from the sun. These gases are unable to escape the atmosphere and accumulate, leading to the greenhouse effect. Statistics
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that global mean temperature has risen in the last few years and the most common cause of this was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
automobile
emissions. All of this may
ultimately
lead to the destruction of the environment which we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and breathe in. Banning such harmful vehicles and adopting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
safer technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
prove beneficial for the future generations to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
.

The older vehicles
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuels
like petroleum and diesel to power their engines. They provided ample amounts of power to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
type of consumers and the price for buying and maintenance was
also
affordable. The newer
electrically
powered cars cost twice as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
for their production and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
turn out to be costlier. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
automobile
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
don't want to produce them due to the fear of lesser sales and high production estimates. This problem can be
effectively
tackled by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, who can provide the industries with sufficient funds of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
budget
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
sustain the expenditures.

To conclude
, The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
posed by the continued
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of fossil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fuels
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
harmful to the global environment and should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
under
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
.
However
, this won't be possible until our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
amends certain bills and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the law. There
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be a proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who will
be unsatisfied
by such actions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they can
be convinced
by proper education and counselling.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays children prefer electronic games to other games and toys? Why is it happening? is it a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
426 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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