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Today’s children are living under more pressure from the society than children in the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.1

Today’s children are living under more pressure from the society than children in the past. with this opinion? v. 1
With the continuous improvement in modern living standards, many people believe that youngsters are facing with more tensions and stresses from the civilization than their predecessors. I strongly advocate of this belief, and the reasonings for it will be covered in my essay. The most reasonable explanation for children living under pressure is the development of the education system. The competition between students is much harsher and stricter than before. Teenagers must try their hardest not only to process for the best job, but also for their parent pride. Their kids must be on the top of the score list, on the top of every field such as music, sport or art. And if their parents are high profiled individuals, children are the ones that suffer the most in protecting their parents social status. For instance, if the parents are famous musicians, children will also be forced to take part in any musical events or classes. Obviously, better education means more exams, contests or tournaments are being held by the school to find the best-performed student, and only the best student can accomplish the opportunity for the best future career. Children nowadays do not have the childhood that past generations enjoyed, their childhood is full of academic tensions from their parents, siblings and classmates. Furthermore, bullying in seminary also puts children on guard, every step or process they made will have a chance of being taken away by violence, moreover, if they try to fight back somehow, there is still a consequence directly affected in their future. According to a study, elementary students who got bullied are at increased risk for poor academic performance, sleep difficulties, anxiety and depression. And the most crucial, they cannot enjoy the school life free as they want, they had to always keep their eye for bullies in fear whenever they are at the institute. To conclude, our society has been much more contrast and dynamic due to the modernization in living and educating standards, however, the opportunity to learn does not seem to make their childhood more enjoyable. The pressure that they suffer is overwhelming their benefits and growth as a child.
With the continuous improvement in modern living standards,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that youngsters are facing with more tensions and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stresses
from the civilization than their predecessors. I
strongly
advocate of this belief, and the
Possible spelling mistake found.
reasonings
for it will
be covered
in my essay.

The most reasonable explanation for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
living under pressure is the development of the education system. The competition between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
is much harsher and stricter than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
try their hardest not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to process for the best job,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
pride. Their kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be on the top of the score list, on the top of every field such as music, sport or art. And if their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are high profiled individuals,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are the ones that suffer the most in protecting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
social status.
For instance
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
musicians,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
also
be forced
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in any musical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
or classes.

Obviously
, better education means more exams, contests or tournaments are
being held
by the school to find the best-performed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
can accomplish the opportunity for the best future career.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
nowadays do not have the childhood that past generations enjoyed, their childhood is full of academic tensions from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, siblings and classmates.

Furthermore
, bullying in seminary
also
puts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
on guard, every step or process they made will have a chance of
being taken
away by violence,
moreover
, if they try to fight back somehow, there is
still
a consequence
directly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
in their future. According to a study, elementary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
bullied are at increased
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
for poor academic performance, sleep difficulties, anxiety and depression. And the most crucial, they cannot enjoy the school life free as they want, they had to always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their eye for bullies in fear whenever they are at the institute.

To conclude
, our society has been much more contrast and dynamic due to the modernization in living and educating standards,
however
, the opportunity to learn does not seem to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their childhood more enjoyable. The pressure that they suffer is overwhelming their benefits and growth as a child.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Today’s children are living under more pressure from the society than children in the past. with this opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
358 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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