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Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view? v.17

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. v. 17
Whether government should spend money on arts or not has been a topic of discussion. Some people contend that the authority should distribute their funds on other sectors instead of wasting money on the arts. I do not agree with this viewpoint. In my opinion, arts is as important as other sectors. There are several reasons why the government should expend money on the arts. One of the most predominant reason is that the arts reflect the country’s culture and traditions and promotes people’s understanding towards culture and architecture. For example, the arts are the best way to pass culture and traditions to the next generation. Moreover, it contributes to the development of the county. Many tourists visit from other counties to see historical buildings. By maintaining artistic legacy, a county can attract more tourists to visit again and again, which increases economy of the nation. Thus, this practice does not only boast visitors and the economy, but also helps to keep culture alive. Besides this, the art sector employs many people. Artists such as singers and dancers have huge fan following. Their shows are attended by thousands of the people and hundred of individuals gets employments during their events. However, education and medical sectors are more important, and arts funding should not be on expenses of these sectors, art should not neglect entirely. In conclusion, I believe that the ministry should allocate its funds equally, including arts because every sector has its own importance and contribution towards the development of a country.
Whether
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should spend money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
or not has been a topic of discussion.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
contend that the authority should distribute their funds on other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
instead
of wasting money on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
. I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this viewpoint. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as other sectors.

There are several reasons why the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should expend money on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
. One of the most predominant
Please check whether a plural form of 'reason' should be used.
reason
is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
reflect the country’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and traditions and promotes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
understanding towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and architecture.
For example
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
are the best way to pass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and traditions to the
next
generation.
Moreover
, it contributes to the development of the county.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
tourists visit from other counties to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
historical buildings. By maintaining artistic legacy, a county can attract more tourists to visit again and again, which increases economy of the nation.
Thus
, this practice does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
boast visitors and the economy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
alive.
Besides
this, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
employs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Artists such as singers and dancers have huge fan following. Their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
are attended
by thousands of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
Use "a hundred" or use a number before 'hundred'.
hundred
of individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
employments during their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.

However
, education and medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
funding should not be on expenses of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
should not neglect
entirely
.

In conclusion
, I believe that the ministry should allocate its funds
equally
, including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
importance and contribution towards the development of a country.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. v. 17

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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