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The advantages of the spread of English as a global language will continue to outweigh its disadvantages. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

The advantages of the spread of English as a global language will continue to outweigh its disadvantages. v. 2
With the rise of industrialization in the 18th century, followed by the LPG policies of the governments across the world, English has become a global language. Despite the disadvantages, English is widely spoken across the globe. This itself shows that the advantages of English far outweigh the disadvantages. Several argue that the emergence of a single global tongue, in this case, English, would undermine other languages. But their argument does not hold true. Even when English is spoken by many, several acclaimed Universities take necessary steps for the promotion of different languages. Evidently, it is English that enables students of different nations, access to prestigious Universities. English has significantly contributed to the development of the Tourism sector of the economy. This is because when there is a common dialect, communication becomes easier and queries can be addressed instantly. This has been made possible with the English language. Kerala, a southern state of India, where Malayalam is the mother tongue, has significantly benefited from the Tourism sector. Why, because a large section of the state's population speaks English, thereby catering to the needs of foreign tourists with ease. The prominence of English has also enabled multinational companies to diversify their business on an international scale. This has indeed benefited several underdeveloped nations. In addition, English provides an opportunity for businesses in these countries to go global. Outsourcing of IT services is another major benefit. Consequently,   IT professionals are able to effectively address the queries of other nationals, because English acts as the common medium of communication. A free flow of information follows when there is a common dialect and English has made this possible.  A major example would be the Bangalore city of India, where a large number of US companies' call centres operate. To sum up, even when I acknowledge the downsides of English as a global medium, I strongly believe that English will bolster the communication system of every nation and makes the demerits less significant.
With the rise of industrialization in the 18th century, followed by the LPG policies of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
across the world, English has become a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
. Despite the disadvantages, English is
widely
spoken across the globe. This itself
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the advantages of English far outweigh the disadvantages.

Several argue that the emergence of a single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
tongue,
in this case
, English, would undermine other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
their argument does not hold true. Even when English
is spoken
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
, several acclaimed Universities take necessary steps for the promotion of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
.
Evidently
, it is English that enables students of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nations, access to prestigious Universities. English has
significantly
contributed to the development of the Tourism sector of the economy. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when there is a common dialect, communication becomes easier and queries can
be addressed
instantly
. This has
been made
possible with the English
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
. Kerala, a southern state of India, where Malayalam is the mother tongue, has
significantly
benefited from the Tourism sector. Why,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a large section of the state's population speaks English, thereby catering to the needs of foreign tourists with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
.

The prominence of English has
also
enabled multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to diversify their business on an international scale. This has
indeed
benefited several underdeveloped nations.
In addition
, English provides an opportunity for businesses in these countries to go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
. Outsourcing of IT services is another major benefit.
Consequently
,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
IT professionals are able to
effectively
address the queries of other nationals,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
English acts as the common medium of communication. A free flow of information follows when there is a common dialect and English has made this possible.  A major example would be the Bangalore city of India, where
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
US
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
' call
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
operate.

To sum up, even when I acknowledge the downsides of English as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
medium, I
strongly
believe that English will bolster the communication system of every nation and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the demerits less significant.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay The advantages of the spread of English as a global language will continue to outweigh its disadvantages. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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