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World history suggests that violence and conflict were more evident under male leadership than under female leadership So for peace to prevail female leadership can be considered as a better option than male leadership To what extent do you agree or disag v.2

World history suggests that violence and conflict were more evident under male leadership than under female leadership So for peace to prevail female leadership can be considered as a better option than male leadership 2
Electronics are part of our daily life and we live with it so as to enjoy ourselves. Without it, life can be very unproductive because they are part of the item which enhances our daily output. With electronics we can communicate, send and receive documents without moving physically from a location to another. While some of these devices are purchased as brand new ones, others are purchased as fairly used. In other words, they have been used previously and were resold to another user. While people differ on the purchase of new or used devices, I believe these devices should be purchased as new. Buying a computing device such as a laptop should be purchased as new in order to enjoy new features which come with the model of the laptop. By acquiring a new one, the buyer has access to warranty which allows the return of the device to the manufacturer within a specific period of time, usually one year if it has a factory defect. This can't be achieved if the laptop was purchased as fairly used as most of the time, the warranty would have expired and the buyer would have to pay for part replacement which means the customer would pay more. Also, when purchasing a gadget such as mobile phones, it is better to buy it new so as to avoid being a victim of a stolen item. Buying a stolen item could lead to imprisonment and a criminal record. When you acquire a new phone, you are sure of getting the specific charger for the phone which means you avoid an accident which may occur due to the use of bad phone charger. This is another reason to purchase gadgets with electric parts as unused ones. In conclusion, the purchase of new gadgets such as mobile, computing devices, entertainment devices are better for the society at large so as to reduce accidents and imprisonments which are avoidable. Government should also make laws which would prohibit the sale of certain items as fairly used if they have been in use for more than a certain number of years.
Electronics are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of our daily
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
life and
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with it
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
enjoy ourselves. Without it, life can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
unproductive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
item
which enhances our daily output. With
The comma is probably missing here: "electronics, we".
electronics we
can communicate,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
and receive documents without moving
physically
from a location to another. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purchased
as brand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
ones, others are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purchased
as
fairly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
.
In other words
, they have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
previously and were resold to another user. While
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
differ on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
, I believe these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purchased
as new.

Buying a computing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
such as a laptop should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purchased
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
in order to enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
features which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with the model of the laptop. By acquiring a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
one, the buyer has access to warranty which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
the return of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
to the manufacturer within a specific period of time,
usually
one year if it has a factory defect. This can't
be achieved
if the laptop was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purchased
as
fairly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as most of the time, the warranty would have expired and the buyer would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
replacement which means the customer would pay more.

Also
, when purchasing a gadget such as mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
, it is better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
avoid being a victim of a stolen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
item
. Buying a stolen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
item
could lead to imprisonment and a criminal record. When you acquire a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
, you are sure of getting the specific charger for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
which means you avoid an accident which may occur due to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
charger. This is another reason to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
gadgets with electric
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parts
as unused ones.

In conclusion
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
gadgets such as mobile, computing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
, entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
are better for the society at large
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
accidents and imprisonments which are avoidable.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
laws which would prohibit the sale of certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
as
fairly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
if they have been in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
for more than a certain number of years.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay World history suggests that violence and conflict were more evident under male leadership than under female leadership So for peace to prevail female leadership can be considered as a better option than male leadership 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
353 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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