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Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflects the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree of disagree? v.2

Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflects the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. v. 2
After the second world war, the global economy was devastated, and companies were searching for a way to increase the amount of products they were selling. The advertisement was the key to this development, and till today it plays a vital role in all our economies. But does advertisement promote the needs of our society or does it undermine them? I agree with the second statement, and in this essay I will explain why. Firstly, on the one hand, due to the over consumptive way of living, individuals have the urge to buy as many things as they possibly can. Advertisement gives an excuse to spend their hard-earned money. To illustrate it in a realistic perspective, the worldwide economy institution surveyed and found out that, more than 20% of consumers are spending their cash on items they view on Tv or on the internet, through ads. However, this is only one perspective of this matter. Over consumption, on the other hand, that ads promote does not reflect the needs of the community. On the contrary, it can lead to a rise in people’s wastage of money, on items they only desire but do not really need. In turn, this can result in an addiction, which can leave them with no place to live. For example, the Greek government, uncovered data from the years 1990-2000, that depicted that, there had been a rise in homeless people, because of their over consumptive way of life. In the end, this trend only makes companies wealthier by the second. Taking everything into consideration, ads have a negative effect on us. But, it's my firm belief that, through proper education, people can realise that they do not require to buy things to fulfil themselves superficially.
After the second world war, the global economy
was devastated
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
were searching for a way to increase the amount of products they were selling. The advertisement was the key to this development, and till
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
it plays a vital role in all our economies.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
does advertisement promote the needs of our society or does it undermine them? I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the second statement, and in this essay I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why.

Firstly
, on the one hand, due to the over consumptive way of living, individuals have the urge to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things as they
possibly
can. Advertisement gives an excuse to spend their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-earned money. To illustrate it
The usual preposition for "perspective" is "from" not "in." "from a realistic perspective".
in a realistic perspective
, the worldwide economy institution surveyed and found out that, more than 20% of consumers are spending their cash on items they view on
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tv
or on the internet, through ads.
However
, this is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one perspective of this matter.

Over consumption,
on the other hand
, that ads promote does not reflect the needs of the community.
On the contrary
, it can lead to a rise in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s wastage of money, on items they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
desire
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
do not
really
need. In turn, this can result in an addiction, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
them with no place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
For example
, the Greek
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, uncovered data from the years 1990-2000, that depicted that, there had been a rise in homeless
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their over consumptive way of life. In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, this trend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
wealthier by the second.

Taking everything into consideration, ads have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on us.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, it's my firm belief that, through proper education,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
that they do not require to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things to fulfil themselves
superficially
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflects the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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