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Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and the real needs of the society in which they are sold. (to what extent do you agree or disagree? ) v.1

Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and the real needs of the society in which they are sold. ( ) v. 1
Currently, there are lots of products manufacturing by different companies around the world. They are using plenty of advertisements to sell their stuff to people, sometimes it affects buyers. In my opinion, I partially agree that peoples' willing to buy unnecessary household lures by advertisements. On the one hand, advertisements are mainly placed to increase the sales of their manufacture. The growing number of international countries every year trying to upgrade their product's sales from the public, therefore, they are fixing billboard and telecasting commercial ads on Television with young attractive models, sometimes they are hiring some famous celebrities such as film actors, sports persons to act on it to lure the buyers to buy their products. Thus all the people get attracted through the publicity they try to get those products without analysing the needs of that. For example, online shopping mostly affected by every individual they usually send some mails and cookies to show up their marketings which push everyone to use some fake products, which is really disappointing measures. On the other hand, we cannot blame ads every time, which has so many important advantages to the inhabitant and the users, because it helps to find out the real genuine products which will reduce the time of spending on finding the necessary goods. Moreover, it tends to figure out the ingredients and manufacturing details. In conclusion, it is clear that ads are unavoidable in the business world, they always focus on sales to rise up, but human we are want to differentiate the needs before they try to use.
Currently
, there are lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
manufacturing by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
around the world. They are using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of advertisements to sell their stuff to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it affects buyers. In my opinion, I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that peoples' willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
unnecessary household lures by advertisements.

On the one hand, advertisements are
mainly
placed to increase the sales of their manufacture. The growing number of international countries every year trying to upgrade their product's sales from the public,
therefore
, they are fixing billboard and telecasting commercial ads on Television with young attractive models,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they are hiring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Consider using "celebrities".
famous celebrities
such as film actors, sports persons to act on it to lure the buyers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
attracted through the publicity they try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
without
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
the needs of that.
For example
, online shopping
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by every individual they
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
mails and cookies to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
up their
Possible spelling mistake found.
marketings
which push everyone to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, which is
really
disappointing measures.

On the other hand
, we cannot blame ads every time, which has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
advantages to the inhabitant and the users,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to find out the real genuine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the time of spending on finding the necessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
.
Moreover
, it tends to figure out the ingredients and manufacturing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that ads are unavoidable in the business world, they always focus on sales to rise up,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
human we are want to differentiate the needs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and the real needs of the society in which they are sold. ( ) v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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