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Today some people have to work away from their family. What are the advantages and disadvantages? v.1

Today some people have to work away from their family. What are the advantages and disadvantages? v. 1
Some people, these days, should be work far from their family, so it has an array of advantages and disadvantages for this statement and I broadly agree that this can be advantageous for both ones and their family. On the plus side, there are some benefits for the people that work away from their family. To begin with, people can be autonomous or even foster their ability. Simply put, they can learn how to communicate with their boss so it is significant to know how to commute with a manager. This, in turn, brings about they earn more money. Furthermore, if ones get money from their parents, they will not spend them wisely they waste money easily. Working individually can be fruitful for both parents and people. Although it has a lot of merits, so the demerits cannot be ignored. The most axiomatic argument is that people should get up at an early time, so this is arduous at first but during time people can accustom to it. This is a key role in people’s life, on the grounds that had employed not got up at an early time, they would have been dismissed from their work. As a result, they should rob themselves for their work, they should work hardly they cannot spend more schedule for sleep or for recreational spot. They should spend most of their time at profession and work tough to earn capital. In conclusion, regardless of drawbacks, I think the advantages of working far from their family cannot be negligible and have positive role on people’s maturity due to the reasons discussed above.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, these days, should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
far from their family,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it has an array of advantages and disadvantages for this statement and I
broadly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that this can be advantageous for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
and their family.

On the plus side, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
away from their family. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be autonomous or even foster their ability.
Simply
put, they can learn how to communicate with their boss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is significant to know how to commute with a manager. This, in turn, brings about they earn more money.
Furthermore
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
money from their parents, they will not spend them
wisely
they waste money
easily
. Working
individually
can be fruitful for both parents and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Although it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
merits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the demerits cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
. The most axiomatic argument is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
up at an early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this is arduous at
first
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can accustom to it. This is a key role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
life, on the grounds that had employed not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
up at an early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, they would have
been dismissed
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
As a result
, they should rob themselves for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, they should
The adverb 'hardly' is usually put before the verb 'work'.
work hardly
they cannot spend more schedule for sleep or for recreational spot. They should spend most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at profession and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
tough to earn capital.

In conclusion
, regardless of drawbacks, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the advantages of working far from their family cannot be negligible and have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
role on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
maturity due to the reasons discussed above.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Today some people have to work away from their family. What are the advantages and disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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