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Today younger and older generations are in the same work-space. is this more advantage or disadvantage. v.1

Today younger and older generations are in the same work-space. is this more advantage or disadvantage. v. 1
Over the last few years, people divided by borders and geography are getting connected with each other via the internet. Furthermore, these people across the globe wear the same brands and watch the same media, movies and shows. In my opinion, this is a very positive trend and it this essay, I will highlight some points regarding the same. As citizens across the globe watch the same news and broadcast networks, all of them become aware of the different problems and situations across the world. As a result, people from different countries can come together and help in solving the problems of the world. For instance, recently there was a wildfire in Australia, a lot of people from different parts of the world along with animal and wildlife conservation NGOs came to help the affected parts of the country. This happens because a lot of people across different countries watch the same international news channels. In other words, this would not have been possible, if people only watched local news. A few decades ago, it was very difficult for any brand to expand its operations overseas unless it was a huge conglomerate. Whereas currently, even small local brands can easily sell their goods across the world using the internet and can easily grow its customer base. For example, until the last few years, a local company called ‘Mysore Sandal Soap’ was only known to the people of southern India. Nowadays it exports their products across the world via eCommerce platforms like Amazon, Alibaba, etc. In short, the exposure of small brands has been increased drastically as the difference between the countries is getting reduced. In conclusion, as most of the people across the world start wearing the same brands and watching the same media, they come closer to each other. As a consequence, they become more aware and caring about the world problems which helps them grow and progress further. In my view, this definitely is a very positive development.
Over the last few years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
divided by borders and geography are getting connected with each other via the internet.
Furthermore
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
across the globe wear the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brands
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the same media, movies and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
. In my opinion, this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend and it this essay, I will highlight
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
points regarding the same.

As citizens across the globe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the same news and broadcast networks, all of them become aware of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
problems and situations across the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
together and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in solving the problems of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
For instance
, recently there was a wildfire in Australia,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
parts of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
along with animal and wildlife conservation NGOs came to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
parts of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. This happens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
across
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the same international news channels.
In other words
, this would not have been possible, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
local news.

A few decades ago, it was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult for any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brand
to expand its operations overseas unless it was a huge conglomerate. Whereas
currently
, even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brands
can
easily
sell their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
across the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
using the internet and can
easily
grow its customer base.
For example
, until the last few years, a local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
called ‘Mysore Sandal Soap’ was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
known to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of southern India. Nowadays it exports their products across the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
via
Possible spelling mistake found.
eCommerce
platforms like Amazon, Alibaba, etc. In short, the exposure of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brands
has
been increased
drastically
as the difference between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.

In conclusion
, as most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
across the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
wearing the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brands
and watching the same media, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
closer to each other. As a consequence, they become more aware and caring about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
problems which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them grow and progress
further
. In my view, this definitely is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Today younger and older generations are in the same work-space. is this more advantage or disadvantage. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
330 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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