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Today people are living longer so they should have to work longer. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Today people are living longer so they should have to work longer. v. 1
Nowadays, everything is changed, society, way of living and so many. People are living in several places, each has its allocations, some think that they are living longer so they must extend their work age, others disagree and feel it’s time to stop. Living in a developed country assist people to enjoy their lives and feel comfortable and live more, that’s why number of people prefer to work longer. First, each day an invention is released, improvement in medical sectors, that help people to cure rapidly, stay fit and have more energy, that’s why they think the can work more and don’t retire early. Second, clean and healthy environment, play a main role to stay well, where people at old ages can work normally and concentrate on their jobs, without stress. For example, in Australia the government raised the age of retirement to 74, so they won’t live at the expenses of the state at young age. From my side I agree, if the country help its people and all facilities are available, why not to work longer. On the other hand, some environment won’t assist people to work longer and encourage them to stay at their jobs, so they prefer to give up work earlier. First, several people believe that at a limit age they must stop working and relax, since they worked for a long time, need to enjoy and benefit from the remaining time. Second, some think that they should rest, and their children take care of them, or move to an infirmary, where thy can spend more time with others at their same age. For example, my grandfather retired at age of 65, and now is enjoying his life with his grandchildren and family. In my opinion I disagree, since someone can still give more to his society and share his experience to the younger. In conclusion, as we can see that human think that they must work longer because people are living more, others believe the opposite and should step down. From my point of view, I agree that if we can still give more, and still full power and healthy we can work longer.
Nowadays, everything is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
, society, way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in several places, each has its allocations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
extend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, others disagree and feel it’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
.

Living in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed country
assist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to enjoy their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and feel comfortable and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
more, that’s why number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
.
First
, each day an invention
is released
, improvement in medical sectors, that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to cure
rapidly
, stay fit and have more energy, that’s why they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
the can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more and don’t retire early. Second, clean and healthy environment, play a main role to stay well, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
normally
and concentrate on their jobs, without
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
For example
, in Australia the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
raised the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of retirement to 74,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they won’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
at the expenses of the state at young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. From my side I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
, if the country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and all facilities are available, why not to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
longer.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
environment won’t assist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
and encourage them to stay at their jobs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they prefer to give up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
earlier.
First
, several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that at a limit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
working and relax, since they worked for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, need to enjoy and benefit from the remaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Second,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that they should rest, and their children take care of them, or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to an infirmary, where thy can spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with others at their same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
For example
, my grandfather retired at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 65, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
is enjoying his life with his grandchildren and family. In my opinion I disagree, since someone can
still
give more to his society and share his experience to the younger.

In conclusion
, as we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
more, others believe the opposite and should step down. From my point of view, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that if we can
still
give more, and
still
full power and healthy we can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
43Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Today people are living longer so they should have to work longer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
360 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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