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It is suggested that everyone wants to have a car, a television and a fridge. Do the disadvantages of this development for society outweigh the advantages? v.2

It is suggested that everyone wants to have a car, a television and a fridge. Do the disadvantages of this development for society outweigh the advantages? v. 2
It is true that many people have considered car, television and refridgerator as dispensable items in their house. While bringing numerous benefits for each individual and society, I would argue that this trend also produce many obvious drawbacks, which overshadow the immediate benefits. On the one hand, there are various advantages stem from this trend for both consumers, enterprises and society as a whole. Admittedly, the increasing consumption of these items could maximise profit for the car and electrical companies such as Ford, LG, and Panasonic. As a consequence, the higher profit they generate, the more tax revenue they pay to national government, which result in increased investment for key areas including education and health care. Besides, this trend also benefits consumers in terms of entertainment and other personal advantages. Thanks to television, people, especially those always caught up in their work and study, could relieve stress and reduce fatigue after the long hard-working day. Driving a car to workplace also enables users to save a great deal of time and feel sense of safety, which rarely attain when they use motorbike or public transportation system. Refridgerator also confers enormous benefits to users and is considered as one of the most useful kitchen appliances, being used to keep cool and store food and beverage at freezing temperature, especially those perishable items such as fruit, fish, and so forth, which hardly store freshly for a week or more in normal temperature. On the other hand, the overconsumption of these items could bring many seriously potential drawbacks for environment and user’s health, which could outweigh these above-mentioned benefits. There is no point in denying that car consumption could generate a large amount of harmful exhaust emissions such as CO2 and NO2, which not only damge the quality of air, but also impair user’s well-being including some respiratory illnesses such as asthma, and nasal congestion. Fridge usage also harm environment because of CFC content, the main culprit for ozone’s hole. Besides the negative impact on environment, food stored in fridge are not as fresh and healthy as those from market due to the gradual loss of esential nutrients. Consequently, users could suffer from many diseases result from the deficiency in vital vitamins and minerals such as Berri-Berri syndrome. Because of the overuse of car, television and fridge, human beings have alse been leading the sedentary life, which is the headache of state governments due to the heavy burden stemming from the increasing rate of patients who contract non-communicable diseases such as diabete, obisity, and cancer. In conclusion, although the increasing demand for car, television and fridge could produces both drawbacks and benefits, the negative impacts of this trend seem to outweith the positive ones.
It is true that
many
people
have considered
car
,
television
and
refridgerator
as dispensable
items
in their
house
. While bringing numerous
benefits
for each individual and society, I would argue that this
trend
also
produce
many
obvious drawbacks, which overshadow the immediate benefits.

On the one hand, there are various advantages stem from this
trend
for both consumers, enterprises and society as a whole.
Admittedly
, the increasing consumption of these
items
could
maximise
profit for the
car
and electrical
companies
such as Ford, LG, and Panasonic. As a consequence, the higher profit they generate, the more tax revenue they pay to national
government
, which result in increased investment for key areas including education and health care.
Besides
, this
trend
also
benefits
consumers in terms of entertainment and other personal advantages. Thanks to
television
,
people
,
especially
those always caught up in their work and study, could relieve
stress
and
reduce
fatigue after the long
hard
-working day. Driving a
car
to workplace
also
enables
users
to save a great deal of time and feel sense of safety, which rarely attain when they
use
motorbike or public transportation system.
Refridgerator
also
confers enormous
benefits
to
users
and
is considered
as one of the most useful kitchen appliances, being
used
to
keep
cool and store food and beverage at freezing temperature,
especially
those perishable
items
such as fruit, fish, and
so
forth, which hardly store
freshly
for a week or more in normal temperature.

On the other hand
, the overconsumption of these
items
could bring
many
seriously
potential drawbacks for environment and
user’s
health, which could outweigh these above-mentioned
benefits
. There is no point in denying that
car
consumption could generate a large amount of harmful exhaust emissions such as CO2 and NO2, which not
only
damge
the quality of air,
but
also
impair
user’s
well-being including
some
respiratory illnesses such as asthma, and nasal congestion. Fridge usage
also
harm environment
because
of CFC content, the main culprit for ozone’s hole.
Besides
the
negative
impact on environment, food stored in fridge are not as fresh and healthy as those from market due to the gradual loss of
esential
nutrients.
Consequently
,
users
could suffer from
many
diseases result from the deficiency in vital vitamins and minerals such as
Berri-Berri
syndrome.
Because
of the overuse of
car
,
television
and fridge, human beings have
alse
been leading the sedentary life, which is the headache of state
governments
due to the heavy burden stemming from the increasing rate of patients who contract non-communicable diseases such as
diabete
,
obisity
, and cancer.

In conclusion
, although the increasing demand for
car
,
television
and fridge could
produces
both drawbacks and
benefits
, the
negative
impacts of this
trend
seem to
outweith
the
positive
ones.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes

IELTS essay It is suggested that everyone wants to have a car, a television and a fridge. Do the disadvantages of this development for society outweigh the advantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
451 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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