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In many places, people's lifestyle is changing rapidly, and this affects family relationships. Do you think the advantages of those developments outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

In many places, people's lifestyle is changing rapidly, and this affects family relationships. Do you think the advantages of those developments outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
In many places, people's lifestyle is changing rapidly, and this affects family relationships. Do you think the advantages of those developments outweigh the disadvantages? It is obvious that people’s habit is transformed at an exponential rate. While I accept that way of acting can sometimes have a positive effect on consanguinity, I believe that it is more possible to have a detrimental impact. On the one hand, it can be acknowledged that merits of style of living are evident. The main benefit is living condition is better than before. Since the world is developed in the direction of industrialization and modernization, the income, medical, education, so on that is considered the living condition is considered is more stable. For this reason, everybody tends to enjoy life, they gather together to organize outdoor activities, events that make them closer together. An additional advantage would be that the connection between people is meliorate. The internet strongly spread, people easily meet. In the past, the ways of interaction were very limited, if you want to speak with your friend, you would have to go directly to his house or send him a message which may take few days to get a response. Nowadays, it's very easy to interact with your relatives -and even with the government and organization - either by emails, mobiles, chatting, etc. and I think that this has improved the relationships and enhanced it. However, I would argue that the drawbacks of the way of life changes far eclipse the aforementioned benefits. The most important advantage is that people become emotionless and apathetic. Technology has grown rapidly, therefore, people do not care about other people instead of concentrating on their smartphones. To illustrate, Family life uses to be defined by the dining room table, a place where children did their homework and crafts and families ate together and discussed their day. Now, the dining room table has been replaced by the TV and cell phones. Another negative aspect of device gadgets is making them underestimate family tradition. To make it more clearly, as society grows the generation gap gets farther apart. Children always think that the thoughts and actions of adults are old-fashioned and unreasonable. Hence, gradually the conception and tradition of the family disappeared. Last but not least, the way of living each day makes divorce increasing. The more life develops, the greater the gap between rich and poor in society. Consequently, when financially pressured, the husband and wife in a family conflict with each other leading to marriage breakdown. In conclusion, I would say that the potential change of style of living is more significant than the possible benefits.
In
many
places,
people
's lifestyle is changing
rapidly
, and this affects
family
relationships. Do you
think
the advantages of those developments outweigh the disadvantages?

It is obvious that
people’s
habit
is transformed
at an exponential rate. While I accept that way of acting can
sometimes
have a
positive
effect on consanguinity, I believe that it is more possible to have a detrimental impact.

On the one hand, it can
be acknowledged
that merits of style of
living
are evident. The main benefit is
living
condition is better than
before
. Since the world
is developed
in the direction of industrialization and modernization, the income, medical, education,
so
on that
is considered
the
living
condition
is considered
is more stable.
For this reason
, everybody tends to enjoy
life
, they gather together to organize outdoor activities,
events
that
make
them closer together. An additional advantage would be that the
connection between
people
is meliorate. The internet
strongly
spread,
people
easily
meet
. In the past, the ways of interaction were
very
limited, if you want to speak with your friend, you would
have to
go
directly
to his
house
or
send
him a message which may take few days to
get
a response. Nowadays, it's
very
easy to interact with your relatives -and even with the
government
and organization
-
either by emails, mobiles, chatting, etc. and I
think
that this has
improved
the relationships and enhanced it.

However
, I would argue that the drawbacks of the way of
life
changes
far eclipse the aforementioned benefits. The most
important
advantage is that
people
become emotionless and apathetic. Technology has grown
rapidly
,
therefore
,
people
do not care about other
people
instead
of concentrating on their smartphones. To illustrate,
Family
life
uses
to
be defined
by the dining room table, a place where children did their homework and crafts and
families
ate together and discussed their day.
Now
, the dining room table has
been replaced
by the TV and cell phones. Another
negative
aspect of device gadgets is making them underestimate
family
tradition. To
make
it more
clearly
, as society grows the generation gap
gets
farther apart. Children always
think
that the thoughts and actions of adults are
old
-fashioned and unreasonable.
Hence
,
gradually
the conception and tradition of the
family
disappeared. Last
but
not least, the way of
living
each day
makes
divorce increasing. The more
life
develops, the greater the gap between rich and poor in society.
Consequently
, when
financially
pressured, the husband and wife in a
family
conflict with each other leading to marriage breakdown.

In conclusion
, I would say that the potential
change
of style of
living
is more significant than the possible benefits.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In many places, people's lifestyle is changing rapidly, and this affects family relationships. Do you think the advantages of those developments outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
441 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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