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Today more people are travelling than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of travelling for the traveller? v.24

Today more people are travelling than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of travelling for the traveller? v. 24
Gone are the days when people used to spend all their lives in the same city and the tour was a word for rich people only. Now, with the technological advancements, cheaper flight, and ever increasing awareness towards other states and countries, the world has become a smaller place. Having travelled since childhood, I can definitely say that the tourism industry is changing fast and this is attracting a lot more travellers each year. This essay delves into the reasons behind increasing travellers and benefits of travelling. Firstly, people want to get refreshed quite often due to their increasing workload and they have easy access to information they want. These are the two main reasons people travel more frequently than ever before. It is evident that busier workdays and the hectic lifestyle can easily drain one out. People have started to work more and earn more as compared to earlier days. Also, with the wave of information that the internet has brought, everyone is better informed about the world outside their office or home. These things have acted as precursors to the increase in the number of people who opt travelling as a holiday get away. Second, tourism is taken very seriously in several countries now. Countries like Australia and France have travel & tourism as an important part of their economy. Tourism contributes to around  30%  of the national GDP for Dubai. Thus, people have started picking up careers in the realm of tourism, as travel bloggers, trip organisers, etc. I myself have met people who travel for a living and love doing so. These factors have also led to accrual in the travelling population. I believe travelling exposes us to different people and their traditions, outside or even within a country. India itself is a collection of myriad customs, flavours and languages. Visiting places one has never been to and meeting people with different beliefs broadens our perspectives. Introduction to different cultures catalyses respect towards the mutual differences. It helps us understand people in a new light, which can be very helpful to alleviate tensions during political or cultural conflicts. In a nutshell, I would say that travelling is equivalent to education. It can bring people closer to each other despite their differences, which is very important in today’s global world.
Gone
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "is".
are
the days when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to spend all their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in the same city and the tour was a word for rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, with the technological advancements, cheaper flight, and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
ever increasing
awareness towards other states and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, the world has become a smaller place. Having travelled since childhood, I can definitely say that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
industry is changing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and this is attracting a lot more
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
each year. This essay delves into the reasons behind increasing
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
and benefits of travelling.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
refreshed quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
due to their increasing
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
workload and
they have easy access to information they want. These are the two main reasons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
more
frequently
than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. It is evident that busier workdays and the hectic lifestyle can
easily
drain one out.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to work more and earn more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
compared to earlier days.
Also
, with the wave of information that the internet has brought, everyone is better informed about the world outside their office or home. These things have acted as precursors to the increase in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who opt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
as a holiday
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
away.

Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
is taken
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
seriously
in several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Countries
like Australia and France have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
&
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
as an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of their economy.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Tourism
contributes to around
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
30%
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
of the national GDP for Dubai.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
picking up careers in the realm of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
bloggers, trip
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisers' is British English.
organisers
, etc. I myself have met
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
for a living and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. These factors have
also
led to accrual in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
population.

I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
exposes us to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and their traditions, outside or even within a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. India itself is a collection of myriad customs,
Possible spelling mistake. 'flavours' is British English.
flavours
and languages. Visiting places one has never been to and meeting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
beliefs broadens our perspectives. Introduction to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures catalyses respect towards the mutual differences. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us understand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a new light, which can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
helpful to alleviate tensions during political or cultural conflicts.

In a nutshell, I would say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
is equivalent to education. It can bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
closer to each other despite their differences, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s global world.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay Today more people are travelling than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of travelling for the traveller? v. 24

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
383 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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