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Today more people are overweight than ever before what is your opinion are the primary cause of this? What measures can be taken to overcome this epidemic? v.1

Today more people are overweight than ever before what is your opinion are the primary cause of this? What measures can be taken to overcome this epidemic? v. 1
In the modern era, where everyone wants to lead a luxurious life tends to ignore their health and family due to which multiple problems occur like obesity, which is considered to be the growing problem in kids as well as in youngsters. In this essay, I will discuss the reasons behind this problem and the corrective measures needed to overcome this issue. Nowadays, for a better survival, both husband and wife are working, due to which they have a very busy schedule and don't even get time for their kids and because of the negligence, their kids opt for the junk food which is considered to be unhealthy and primary reason for the overweight. Furthermore, because of the wide range of snacks options teenagers attract more towards such unhealthy food. For example, In a recent survey in India, it has been observed that children preferred to have junk food rather than the home cooked meal. There is a plethora of ways through which one can deal with this disease, folks should take nutritious diet and should consult to the nutritionist for better eating habits and get proper information related to their health. Then, unhealthy meal not only leads to obesity, but also responsible for other health issues like blood pressure, heart problem and much more. In order to spend money on junk food, one should spend this money on fruits, juices etc. So that they will become internally strong and fit throughout their life. In addition to, the parents should keep a vigil check on their children's diet, and try to give them homemade snacks so that they will not go for bad eating habits. From a recent research, it has been discovered that children are more likely prone to obesity disease due to their bad eating habits. To conclude, parents should make sure that their kids confined to homemade meal more than the junk food and give them a minimal pocket money so that they do not spend on the junk food on a regular basis. If one is suffering, from this disease should consult to the nutritionist for better advice and remedies.
In the modern era, where everyone wants to lead a luxurious life tends to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
their health and family due to which multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
occur like obesity, which
is considered
to be the growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
as well
as in youngsters. In this essay, I will discuss the reasons behind this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
and the corrective measures needed to overcome this issue.

Nowadays, for a better survival, both husband and wife are working, due to which they have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
busy schedule and don't even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
time for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the negligence, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
opt for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which
is considered
to be unhealthy and primary reason for the overweight.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the wide range of snacks options
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
attract more towards such unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
For example
, In a recent survey in India, it has
been observed
that children preferred to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
rather
than the home cooked meal.

There is a plethora of ways through which one can deal with this disease, folks should take nutritious diet and should consult to the nutritionist for better eating habits and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
proper information related to their health. Then, unhealthy meal not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
leads to obesity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
responsible for other health issues like blood pressure, heart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
and much more. In order to spend money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, one should spend this money on fruits, juices etc.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that they will become
internally
strong and fit throughout their life.
In addition
to, the parents should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a vigil
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
on their children's diet, and try to give them homemade snacks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they will not go for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
eating habits. From a recent research, it has
been discovered
that children are more likely prone to obesity disease due to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
eating habits.

To conclude
, parents should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
confined to homemade meal more than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and give them a minimal pocket money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they do not spend on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
on a regular basis. If one is suffering, from this disease should consult to the nutritionist for better advice and remedies.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Today more people are overweight than ever before what is your opinion are the primary cause of this? What measures can be taken to overcome this epidemic? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
354 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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