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Some people believe that adults always do exercise and sports because of the major sports events that shown on T. V like the Olympic Games and Football World Cup. While others say that there are many other ways to encourage them to practice exercises other than T. V shows. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people believe that adults always do exercise and sports because of the major sports events that shown on T. V like the Olympic Games and Football World Cup. While others say that there are many other ways to encourage them to practice exercises other than T. V shows. v. 1
It is an undeniable fact that, the people these days show a great interest in sports. Some people think that it is the influence of gaming events, like the Olympics and Football World Cup, which compels them to exercise. While, others argue that certain other methods could be applied to encourage people to work out, apart from these television shows. In this essay, I would like to discuss both these schools of thought and would suggest that the former point of view is far better than the latter. Firstly, introducing physical training classes in the schools and colleges could have a great impact on compelling people towards sports. For example, when children are made to participate in exercise classes in schools, they learn to stay fit from the very early years of their life. Moreover, they develop a deep interest in exercising and staying healthy, which they continue even when they get old. Secondly, arranging sports competitions in educational institutions could also motivate people to take part in the games. But, these measures are, unfortunately, inapplicable to every child and adult. This is because not every institute is able to offer such facilities to the students. On the contrary, with the availability of television in every house in the world, these days, and with a large number of channels featuring sporting events, it is quite easy for most of the people, both adults and children, to watch them and practice whichever game they like. For instance, there are a large number of fans of Christiano Ronaldo, a renowned footballer, who follow him and try to be like him, for which they play football keenly and thus stay healthy. Similarly, badminton and cycling, are the sports in which many people take part, because they watch their favourite players on the television shows and idealize them. This copying is a healthy one and there is no harm if people choose to stay healthy this way. To conclude, although, with the provision of options like training classes and gaming competitions, adults could be motivated to exercise, nonetheless, watching their idols winning on T. V is a booster for the people and a far more important reason to work out.
It is an undeniable fact that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
these days
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
a great interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is the influence of gaming
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, like the Olympics and Football World Cup, which compels them to exercise. While, others argue that certain other methods could
be applied
to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to work out, apart from these television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
. In this essay, I would like to discuss both these schools of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
and would suggest that the former point of view is far better than the latter.

Firstly
, introducing physical training classes in the schools and colleges could have a great impact on compelling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
For example
, when children
are made
to participate in exercise classes in schools, they learn to stay fit from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
early years of their life.
Moreover
, they develop a deep interest in exercising and staying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
, which they continue even when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.
Secondly
, arranging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
competitions in educational institutions could
also
motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in the games.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, these measures are, unfortunately, inapplicable to every child and adult. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
not every institute is able to offer such facilities to the students.

On the contrary
, with the availability of television in every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
in the world, these days, and with
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
channels featuring sporting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, it is quite easy for most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, both adults and children, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
them and practice whichever game they like.
For instance
, there are
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
fans of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Christiano
Ronaldo, a renowned footballer, who follow him and try to be like him, for which they play football
keenly
and
thus
stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
.
Similarly
, badminton and cycling, are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
players on the television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
and idealize them. This copying is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
one and there is no harm if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
this way.

To conclude
, although, with the provision of options like training classes and gaming competitions, adults could
be motivated
to exercise, nonetheless, watching their idols winning on T. V is a booster for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and a far more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason to work out.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that adults always do exercise and sports because of the major sports events that shown on T. V like the Olympic Games and Football World Cup. While others say that there are many other ways to encourage them to practice exercises other than T. V shows. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
366 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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