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Today, more and more students are deciding to move to another country for their studies. "Do you think" the benefits of this outweighs the disadvantages? " v.1

Today, more and more students are deciding to move to another country for their studies. "Do you think" the benefits of this outweighs the disadvantages? " v. 1
In recent times, it has been observed that majority of students prefer to further their education in another country. In my opinion, i think having to relocate to a foreign land for academic purpose has numerous benefits such as job opportunity against any disadvantage it might bring. To begin with, students who travel abroad to further their education do so in order to have a career pathway in a serene environment. This is because, the academic calendar in foreign countries is one that is devoid of strikes which could be as a result of government shut down, labour union issues and students cultism as may be find in many West African countries. Additionally, the student is able meet several individuals from different countries, and consequently get exposed to other to cultures and norms through their interactions. Another point to consider is that students who advances their education abroad are exposed to quicker job opportunities after graduation. In other words, such students after the completion of their studies tend to get better job offers due to the knowledge they have acquired in a more civilized environment. As a result, they have an edge in attracting the best companies globally for job vacancies, thus ending up securing the best job offers. An example of this can be found in Nigeria, where many multi national companies such as shell and Chevron favour candidates with a foreign degree for their job placements, than applicants with who possess a degree in the country. In conclusion, although there are some negative effects of having to study abroad, it's benefits such as exposure to a foreign culture and having a secured future through a good job offer after graduation makes it a unique opportunity everyone should aim for.
In recent times, it has
been observed
that majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
prefer to
further
their education in another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. In my opinion,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
having to relocate to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
land for academic purpose has numerous benefits such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunity against any disadvantage it might bring.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who travel abroad to
further
their education do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in order to have a career pathway in a serene environment. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, the academic calendar in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is one
that is
devoid of strikes which could be
as a result
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
shut down,
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
union issues and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
cultism as may be
Consider using a past participle here: "found".
find
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
West African
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Additionally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
is able
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
several individuals from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, and
consequently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
exposed to other to cultures and norms through their interactions.

Another point to consider is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
Did you mean "advance"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'students' should be used.
advances
their education abroad
are exposed
to quicker
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities after graduation.
In other words
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
after the completion of their studies tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
offers due to the knowledge they have acquired in a more civilized environment.
As a result
, they have an edge in attracting the best
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
globally for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
vacancies,
thus
ending up securing the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
offers. An example of this can
be found
in Nigeria, where
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This word is normally spelled as one.
multi national
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
such as shell and Chevron
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
candidates with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
degree for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
placements, than applicants with
Did you mean "whom"?
who
possess a degree in the country.

In conclusion
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of having to study abroad, it's benefits such as exposure to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
culture and having a secured future through a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
offer after graduation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it a unique opportunity everyone should aim for.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Today, more and more students are deciding to move to another country for their studies. "Do you think" the benefits of this outweighs the disadvantages? " v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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