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Today more and more people are using mobile phones andInternet. Thus, people are losing the ability to communicate face to face. To what extent, do you agree or disagree? v.1

Today more and more people are using mobile phones andInternet. Thus, people are losing the ability to communicate face to face. v. 1
Nowadays we have plenty of subjects that we can access regularly in school. For example; academic and non academic. In addition, it is indisputable that a multitude of student is getting pressure each day to become a successful person in academic. Moreover, It is well known that some people assure that non academic subjects must be exterminated from the school schedule so that students can emphasize more on academic subjects. I strongly believe that I have different views with regard to the statement. First off, It is essential for us to obtain non academic subject's skill because if we suddenly asked by a person or even our parent itself we can perform it naturally. For instance; I have a friend of mine and his name is Vincent, he is a very industrious person and also have a magnificent intellectual. Even though, his knowledge about science is tremendous and he likes this subject very much, he still learns non academic subjects in our school. He took violin extracurricular in our school, and surprisingly, his capability to learn violin is above average, therefore, he always asked by many teachers to play violin when it comes to school event. Furthermore, if we acquire enough skill in non academic subjects I believe it also can help us for our university interview exam. For example; when I already applied for my favourite university, I am afraid that I will not pass the entrance exam. Luckily I passed the test and after that I straightly went into the interview exam. I thought the interview itself will ask me about academic knowledge or even environmental studies, but surprisingly the examiner asked me about my special talent and I got surprised back then. Fortunately, in high school I learned a lot of dancing skills so I am pretty confident to express my talent in front of the examiner. After 35 minutes doing interview I feel relieved because I already take all of the process to keep my place in university, and after 2 weeks waiting for the result, I am overwhelmed with happiness because I succeed in my test and I got a full scholarship at the university. To conclude, learn non academic skills will give you a plethora of merit for your life
Nowadays we have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that we can access
regularly
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
For example
;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
and non
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
.
In addition
, it is indisputable that a
Possible agreement error. The noun 'student' seems to be countable; consider using: "multitude of students".
multitude of student
is getting pressure each day to become a successful person in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
.
Moreover
, It is well known that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
assure that non
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be exterminated
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
schedule
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that students can emphasize more on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. I
strongly
believe that I have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views with regard to the statement.

First
off, It is essential for us to obtain non
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
subject's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if we
suddenly
asked by a person or even our parent itself we can perform it
naturally
.
For instance
; I have a friend of mine and his name is Vincent, he is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
industrious person and
also
have a magnificent intellectual.
Even though
, his knowledge about science is
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
tremendous and
he likes this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much, he
still
learns non
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. He took violin extracurricular in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, and
surprisingly
, his capability to learn violin is above average,
therefore
, he always asked by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
teachers to play violin when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
.

Furthermore
, if we acquire
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
in non
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
I believe it
also
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us for our university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interview
exam.
For example
; when I already applied for my
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
university, I am afraid that I will not pass the entrance exam. Luckily I passed the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
and after that I
straightly
went into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interview
exam. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interview
itself will ask me about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
knowledge or even environmental studies,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
surprisingly
the examiner asked me about my special talent and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
surprised back then.
Fortunately
, in high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
I learned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
dancing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I am pretty confident to express my talent in front of the examiner. After 35 minutes doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interview
I feel relieved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I already take
Consider using "all the".
all of the
process to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
my place in university, and after 2 weeks waiting for the result, I
am overwhelmed
with happiness
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I succeed in my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a full scholarship at the university.

To conclude
, learn non
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
will give you a plethora of merit for your life
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Today more and more people are using mobile phones andInternet. Thus, people are losing the ability to communicate face to face. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
375 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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