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Think of a day from your childhood that was particularly happy. Explain whathappened and what made it so happ v.2

Think of a day from your childhood that was particularly happy. Explain whathappened and what made it so happ v. 2
In today's fast-paced world, advertising has become one of the most effective methods to promote an upcoming goods and new release products. In other words, the acts of bringing up a product have been significantly developed in comparison to how they were in the past, especially the ones which target teenagers and children. However, it is thought that advertisements whose aim is for young adults should be eradicated. From my perspective, I totally agree with the given statement due to the negative influences on the children's mental and physical health as well as the finances of their family which can be caused by the mentioned type of advertising. To begin with, there is a number of opinions suggest the contrary. In detail, some people contradict that by doing so may result in a degradation of a product because of the lack of young customers. Therefore, the economy of one's nation will on the verge of declining. For instance, chocolate and fast food industries depend greatly on teenagers and children. Had it not been for the sophisticated strategy of marketing that aimed at young kids, these industries would not become such successful as they are at the moment. On the other hand, prevent children-specified advertisings could incredibly benefit many families that have a low-budget income and the children themselves. Marketing is known for its complexity, therefore, it has a tendency of manipulating young adults to buy or make them ask for more money from their parents to be able to afford those goods. Fast food for example, which has not only caused health problems such as obesity, cancer, etc. , but they also consume a huge amount of money because of how adversiting stimulate one being's emotion of their new desserts or new combos, which eventually cost you even more money. In summary, the acts of bringing up new release goods can be beneficial in some aspects. However, in the long run, the negative effects are observable: financial budget and physical health.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced world, advertising has become one of the most effective methods to promote an upcoming
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
release products.
In other words
, the acts of bringing up a product have been
significantly
developed
in comparison
to how they were in the past,
especially
the ones which target
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and children.
However
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that advertisements whose aim is for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults should
be eradicated
. From my perspective, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement due to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influences on the children's mental and physical health
as well
as the finances of their family which can
be caused
by the mentioned type of advertising.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there is a number of opinions suggest the contrary. In detail,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
contradict that by doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
may result in a degradation of a product
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
customers.
Therefore
, the economy of one's nation will on the verge of declining.
For instance
, chocolate and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food industries depend
greatly
on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and children. Had it not been for the sophisticated strategy of marketing that aimed at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
kids, these industries would not become such successful as they are at the moment.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
children-specified
Possible spelling mistake found.
advertisings
could
incredibly
benefit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families that have a low-budget income and the children themselves. Marketing
is known
for its complexity,
therefore
, it has a tendency of manipulating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
more money from their parents to be able to afford those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Fast
food
for example
, which has not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
caused health problems such as obesity, cancer, etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
consume a huge amount of money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of how
Possible spelling mistake found.
adversiting
stimulate one being's emotion of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
desserts or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
combos, which
eventually
cost you even more money.

In summary, the acts of bringing up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
release
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
can be beneficial in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
aspects.
However
, in the long run, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects are observable: financial budget and physical health.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Think of a day from your childhood that was particularly happy. Explain whathappened and what made it so happ v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
331 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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