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Today more and more people are using mobile phones and computers. Thus, people are losing the ability to communicate face to face. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Today more and more people are using mobile phones and computers. Thus, people are losing the ability to communicate face to face. v. 2
It is true that in recent year, many people have become over-reliant on using smart phones and tablet. While I agree that the proliferation of technology makes people decrease an interaction with their friends, I do not consider that a technical breakthrough is a cause of people losing a connection with each other. On the one hand, the availability of new communication technologies may also have the result of discouraging real interaction. Firstly, using mobile phones and computers which may not express a real emotional messenger. Through the application of e-mail services in smart phones, people can only transfer to text-messaging which cannot alleviate a sadness of their mental peers when they get in trouble in their life. Thus, the technology makes people lose the facility for communicating face to face. Secondly, smart phones can cause to the downfall of society’s interpersonal communication. As people can only pay attention the screen of their phones that is a major cause of losing the ability to interact face to face. On the other hand, I disagree that people become dependence on the modern technology that can lose the ability to communicate face to face. Primarily, e-mail services in their phones are a useful tool to help accelerate the flow of information between their friends. This is essential to help people share quickly ups and downs in their life rather than they have to meet directly. In addition, people can easily connect with each other in anytime and anywhere. They do not have their private time to participate in an anecdote about their friends because of a hectic schedule in the firms. As a result, using smart phones is the best way that can connect with their peers and help them release their stress after a full-time job. In conclusion, although I accept that advances in technology makes people isolate from their friends, I disagree that the development of technology results in losing the ability to face to face.
It is true that in recent year,
many
people
have become over-reliant on using
smart
phones
and tablet. While I
agree
that the proliferation of
technology
makes
people
decrease an interaction with their
friends
, I do not consider that a technical breakthrough is a cause of
people
losing a connection with each other.

On the one hand, the availability of new communication
technologies
may
also
have the result of discouraging real interaction.
Firstly
, using mobile
phones
and computers which may not express a real emotional messenger. Through the application of e-mail services in
smart
phones
,
people
can
only
transfer to text-messaging which cannot alleviate a sadness of their mental peers when they
get
in trouble in their life.
Thus
, the
technology
makes
people
lose the facility for communicating
face
to
face
.
Secondly
,
smart
phones
can cause to the downfall of society’s interpersonal communication.
As
people
can
only
pay attention the screen of their
phones
that is
a major cause of losing the ability to interact
face
to face.

On the other hand
, I disagree that
people
become dependence on the modern
technology
that can lose the ability to communicate
face
to
face
.
Primarily
, e-mail services in their
phones
are a useful tool to
help
accelerate the flow of information between their
friends
. This is essential to
help
people
share
quickly
ups and downs in their life
rather
than they
have to
meet
directly
.
In addition
,
people
can
easily
connect with each other in anytime and anywhere. They do not have their private time to participate in an anecdote about their
friends
because
of a hectic schedule in the firms.
As a result
, using
smart
phones
is the best way that can connect with their peers and
help
them release their
stress
after a full-time job.

In conclusion
, although I accept that advances in
technology
makes
people
isolate from their
friends
, I disagree that the development of
technology
results in losing the ability to
face
to
face
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay Today more and more people are using mobile phones and computers. Thus, people are losing the ability to communicate face to face. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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