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Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole. Do you agree or disagree? v.9

Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole. v. 9
Certain individuals suggest that every youngster should make some contributions to their communities without paying, because this approach has benefits for both young generations and society. However, I believe that it should not be compulsory for teenagers. On the one hand, encouraging youths to do some voluntary works has certain advantages for both themselves and society. Teenagers, especially who are undergraduates, can accumulate some essential experiences from these activities. For instance, students who take medical care as their majors, can learn how to look after patients through practicing some assistant works at a hospital. In addition, the disturbing workforce shortage can somehow be eased with numerous volunteers in some workplaces, including both private sectors and public sectors, which could be seen as a positive influence in society. On the other hand, doing unpaid works is unfair for students, because they also need time and payments. The current stressful study life requires youngsters to complete a lot of schoolwork, such as assignments, essays and the group meeting, which costs a large amount of time and energy for them. Besides, these young people also need some incomes for maintaining their life’s expenses, like accommodations, transport and food, which have been continuously increased nowadays. Students could utilize their spare time to do a part-time job and earn some adequate money to meet those demands, instead of no rewarding jobs. To conclude, even though doing work in the community without payments has positive impacts for both individuals and society, however, I believe that students should not be forced to do these jobs, because they have the busy and expensive study life which requires time and incomes to cope with.
Certain individuals suggest that every youngster should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
contributions to their communities without paying,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this approach has benefits for both young generations and society.
However
, I believe that it should not be compulsory for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.

On the one hand, encouraging youths to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
voluntary works has certain advantages for both themselves and society.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Teenagers
,
especially
who are undergraduates, can accumulate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
essential experiences from these activities.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who take medical care as their majors, can learn how to look after patients through practicing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
assistant works at a hospital.
In addition
, the disturbing workforce shortage can somehow be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
eased
with numerous volunteers in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
workplaces, including both private sectors and public sectors, which could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
influence in society.

On the other hand
, doing unpaid works is unfair for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
also
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and payments. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
stressful study life requires youngsters to complete
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
schoolwork, such as assignments, essays and the group meeting, which costs a large amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and energy for them.
Besides
, these young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
also
need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
incomes for maintaining their life’s expenses, like accommodations, transport and food, which have been
continuously
increased nowadays.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
could utilize their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do a part-time job and earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
adequate money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
those demands,
instead
of no rewarding jobs.

To conclude
,
even though
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the community without payments has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts for both individuals and society,
however
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should not
be forced
to do these jobs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have the busy and expensive study life which requires
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and incomes to cope with.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole. v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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