Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Today, many people want to get married and have children in their thirties rather than when they are younger. Is it a positive or negative development? v.2

Today, many people want to get married and have children in their thirties rather than when they are younger. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 2
Marriages are an everlasting commitment between partners Now-a-day, more people are getting married in their thirties then they were young. In my opinion, this change ha both positive and negative impact like to sides of a same coin. On positive front, it helps them in stabilising their carrier and prepare them for next phase, but on negative side, their bodies get deteriorated. To begin with, there are benefits attached to it when individuals get married in thirties. First and most importantly, they can take their carrier to its peak. Being single gives them an opportunity to be fully focused toward their goal. They can take risk of switching jobs for further growth and increased remuneration, which they cannot if they have family responsibility. Last but not the least, by the thirties they become mentally developed and financially stable. People in their thirties are mature enough to take responsibility of their family. Needless to mention, they are financially capable of providing but education and other amenities to their children. A recent survey suggested that people who get married after 20’s have secure job and they have strong bond with their family. On the flip side, there is no denying in the fact that their decision of marring late certainly have some cons like their body is not capable enough. These persons are certainly resourceful, however their body is not active because of which they are not able to involve in physical activity with their kids. Some women have difficulty in conceiving in late thirties. An article in TOI (Times of India) says more and more women in cities are utilising IVF and other medical breakthrough to extend their family. To my mind, there are positives and negatives attached to the late marriages. For conclude, people are certainly at that height of thus carries and they are mature enough to take responsibility of their new family, but by thirties their body is not fit to enjoy their family to the fullest.
Marriages are an everlasting commitment between partners
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
-a-day, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are getting married in their thirties then they were young. In my opinion, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
ha both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact like to sides of a same coin. On
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
front, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them in
Possible spelling mistake. 'stabilising' is British English.
stabilising
their carrier and prepare them for
next
phase,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bodies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
deteriorated.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are benefits attached to it when individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married in thirties.
First
and most
importantly
, they can take their carrier to its peak. Being single gives them an opportunity to be
fully
focused toward their goal. They can take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of switching jobs for
further
growth and increased remuneration, which they cannot if they have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
responsibility.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least, by the thirties they become mentally developed and
financially
stable.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
in their thirties are mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to take responsibility of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Needless to mention, they are
financially
capable of providing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
education and other amenities to their children. A recent survey suggested that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married after
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "20s".
20’s
have secure
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
job and
they have strong bond with their family.

On the flip side, there is no denying in the fact that their decision of marring late
certainly
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cons like their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
is not capable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
. These persons are
certainly
resourceful,
however
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
is not active
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of which they are not able to involve in physical activity with their kids.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
women have difficulty
Adverb repetition. Please, verify.
in conceiving in
late thirties. An article in
Possible spelling mistake found.
TOI
(Times of India) says more and more women in cities are
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilising' is British English.
utilising
IVF and other medical breakthrough to extend their family.

To my mind, there are positives and negatives attached to the late marriages. For conclude,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
certainly
at that height of
thus
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
carries and
they are mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to take responsibility of their new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
by thirties their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
is not fit to enjoy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
to the fullest.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Today, many people want to get married and have children in their thirties rather than when they are younger. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
329 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts