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TASK 5: THE WOMAN WANTS TO PUBLISH A PAPER ON THE SCHOOL’S NEWSPAPER BUT THE PAPER IS TOO LONG v.1

TASK 5: THE WOMAN WANTS TO PUBLISH A PAPER ON THE SCHOOL’S NEWSPAPER BUT THE PAPER IS TOO LONG v. 1
Nowadays, exploring the world is considered as a hobby by many individuals. More and more people like travelling on these days as compared to the last two decades. There are numerous reasons and pros of travelling. This essay delves into both reasons as well as benefits of tourism. First of all, the first reason of travelling is in this modern world, people wants to explore the world and want to know about other countries culture and traditions. For example, many people want to ruin a whole world in their lives to collect memories. Secondly, some person travels because of their work. Like businessman do travelling to expand their business in other place. Similarly, students travel for their study. Last year survey conducted by the national education department says that about 70 percent student travel for pursuing their studies in abroad. The first and foremost, benefit of travelling for travellers is they get a chance to know about other country's culture and languages. Furthermore, travelling improve the bounding between two countries. A person can improve their knowledge while going to other place. For instance, last year I went to Switzerland and I came to know that how people live in that place and what are the main source of income there. Moreover, Travelling also helps people in releasing their stress. It is obvious that people who live in big cities are stressed with their tight schedule and by taking some trips to the countryside, it will help them in loosening the tense. Overall, travelling to another country is good to know about that particular place and it can get a chance to boost your business.
Nowadays, exploring the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is considered
as a hobby by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals. More and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
on these days as compared to the last two decades. There are numerous reasons and pros of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
. This essay delves into both reasons
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
benefits of tourism.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
first
reason of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
is in this modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
wants
to explore the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
and want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries culture and traditions.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to ruin a whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
to collect memories.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
person travels
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their work. Like businessman do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
to expand their business in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
.
Similarly
, students travel for their study. Last year survey conducted by the national education department says that about 70 percent student travel for pursuing their studies in abroad.

The
first
and foremost, benefit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
for
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
is they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
country's culture and languages.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the bounding between two countries. A person can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their knowledge while going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
.
For instance
, last year I went to Switzerland and I came to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
that how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
and what are the main source of income there.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Travelling
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in releasing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. It is obvious that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
with their tight schedule and by taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
trips to the countryside, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in loosening the tense.

Overall
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
to another country is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
about that particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
and it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to boost your business.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TASK 5: THE WOMAN WANTS TO PUBLISH A PAPER ON THE SCHOOL’S NEWSPAPER BUT THE PAPER IS TOO LONG v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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