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Today many people do not realise how important the natural world is Why is this How can people learn more about the importance of the natural world v.1

Today many people do not realise how important the natural world is Why is this How can people learn more about the importance of the natural world v. 1
In the present times, people prefer to shift their appearance through makeup and cosmetic surgeries. This essay will discuss the main reason for such modification is the influence from movie actors and actresses and further, outline that it is a bad development, followed by a reasoned conclusion. The principle cause of forcing people to change the way they look is the influence of the entertainment industry. In other words, people follow the path of movie stars and their personality and try to copy their style. They have an opinion that if they will adopt the style of movie actors, they will become more famous and popular. As a result, they take such steps such as cosmetics and plastic surgeries, to change their overall personality. This trend has many drawbacks as people develop a feeling that they are not beautiful and attractive, which loses their self confidence. Eventually, they will not be able to compete with the world more confidently. Moreover, the cosmetics and plastic surgeries have bad effects on people's life in the long run. This is to say, they get effected negatively by using chemicals and surgeries on their body and face, which completely destroys their looks. To exemplify, a recent study conducted by The Times showed that more than 60 percent of people suffer from some issues by using cosmetics excessively or going for plastic surgeries. To conclude, people are more inclined to change their overall personality by using makeup or cosmetic surgeries. The main reason for this is the influence of the television industry. This is a negative development as people not only develop an inferiority complex, but also suffer from various health issues.
In the present times,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to shift their appearance through makeup and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cosmetic
surgeries. This essay will discuss the main reason for such modification is the influence from movie actors and actresses and
further
, outline that it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
development, followed by a reasoned conclusion.

The
Did you mean "principal" (=main)?
principle
cause of forcing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the way they look is the influence of the entertainment industry.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
follow the path of movie stars and their personality and try to copy their style. They have an opinion that if they will adopt the style of movie actors, they will become more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
and popular.
As a result
, they take such steps such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cosmetics
and plastic surgeries, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
overall
personality.

This trend has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
develop a feeling that they are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
and attractive, which loses their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self confidence
.
Eventually
, they will not be able to compete with the world more
confidently
.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cosmetics
and plastic surgeries have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life in the long run. This is to say, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
effected
negatively
by using chemicals and surgeries on their body and face, which completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroys
their looks. To exemplify, a recent study conducted by The Times
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that more than 60 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffer from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
issues by using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cosmetics
excessively
or going for plastic surgeries.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more inclined to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
overall
personality by using makeup or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cosmetic
surgeries. The main reason for this is the influence of the television industry. This is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
develop an inferiority complex,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
suffer from various health issues.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Today many people do not realise how important the natural world is Why is this How can people learn more about the importance of the natural world v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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