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Studies have suggested that nowadays children watch much more television than they did in the past and spend less time on active or creative things. What are the reasons for this and what measures should be taken to encourage children to spend more time o v.4

Studies have suggested that nowadays children watch much more television than they did in the past and spend less time on active or creative things. What are the reasons for this and what measures should be taken to encourage children to spend more time o v. 4
It is true that children have used their time on watching television rather than performing dynamic or inventive activities at the present day. There could be several reasons for this tendency, and I believe that both schools and parent could take steps to involve them in physical and brainstorming tasks. There are various reasons involve with youngsters persuade them on watching television rather than effective activities. Firstly, in today’s society, most parents are the breadwinners for their families, and during working hours they have to leave their offspring alone at home. Thus, enjoying television programmes are more convenient companion for them at that period which will raise an addiction on them. For instance, both my brother and his wife need to stay out of home because of their office works, and i always found my nephews spend time on watching ‘cartoon network’ channel on TV all day long. They prefer to enjoy cartoons on TV rather than playing outdoor sports or indoor active games. Evidently, addiction of watching television can dispel the encouragement of their other inventive or energetic activities. Another reason is that our school curriculum are based on Science, Math and language subjects, whereas sports or other extracurricular subjects have almost omitted on the syllabus. For Instance, recently the government of Bangladesh have made a decision that they will exclude extra subjects such as arts, sports etc from junior school certification exams. This idea could discourage children to entertain themselves with active tasks, because they would not gain any marks for those subjects. Also, this could influence them to choose enjoying television as a fun. However, both governments and parent should take immediate actions to increase children enthusiasm on creative tasks. Firstly, School should introduce more sports and creative learning tasks in their syllabus which could keep young students in physical and mental practices. At the same time, they should arrange frequently some inter-school completions such as IQ test, Art and science exhibitions. Therefore, Students will be more attentive to practice not only at school but also at their home. Another measure is that parents should maintain their work-life balance for their children. They should manage more time to interact with their offspring’s indoor and outdoor activities. They could share different ideas or playing games with them, and these attitudes can motivate the children in creative thinking. In conclusion, both school and parents must play their vital role to divert their children from spend more time on watching television, and inspire them for innovative tasks.
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
rather
than performing dynamic or inventive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
at the present day. There could be several reasons for this tendency, and I believe that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
could take steps to involve them in physical and brainstorming tasks.

There are various reasons involve with youngsters persuade them on watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
rather
than effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
Firstly
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s society, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the breadwinners for their families, and during working hours they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their offspring alone at home.
Thus
, enjoying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
are more convenient companion for them at that period which will raise an addiction on them.
For instance
, both my brother and his wife need to stay out of home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their office works, and
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
always found my nephews spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on watching ‘cartoon network’ channel on TV all day long. They prefer to enjoy cartoons on TV
rather
than playing outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
or indoor active games.
Evidently
, addiction of watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
can dispel the encouragement of their other inventive or energetic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. Another reason is that our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum
are based
on Science, Math and language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
or other extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
have almost omitted on the syllabus.
For Instance
, recently the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of Bangladesh have made a decision that they will exclude extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as arts,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
etc from junior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
certification exams. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
could discourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to entertain themselves with active
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they would not gain any marks for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
Also
, this could influence them to choose
If 'choose' is used as a verb, it usually requires the infinitive: "to enjoy".
enjoying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
as a fun.

However
, both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
should take immediate actions to increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
enthusiasm on creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
should introduce more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and creative learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
in their syllabus which could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
young students in physical and mental practices. At the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, they should arrange
frequently
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
inter-school completions such as IQ
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
, Art and science exhibitions.
Therefore
, Students will be more attentive to practice not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
at their home. Another measure is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should maintain their work-life balance for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They should manage more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to interact with their offspring’s indoor and outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. They could share
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
or playing games with them, and these attitudes can motivate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in creative thinking.

In conclusion
, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
play their vital role to divert their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
, and inspire them for innovative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
44Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Studies have suggested that nowadays children watch much more television than they did in the past and spend less time on active or creative things. What are the reasons for this and what measures should be taken to encourage children to spend more time o v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
417 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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