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In recent years, the family structure and the role of its members are gradually changing. What kinds of changes can occur? Do you think these changes are positive or negative? v.5

In recent years, the family structure and the role of its members are gradually changing. What kinds of changes can occur? Do you think these changes are positive or negative? v. 5
It is true that the family pattern and the function of its members are progressively varying at the moment. There can be several type of changes occur, and I consider it to be very negative. One of the main changes is that, most people become city dwellers due to effect of urbanization whereas living expenditures and circumstances are favorable for a small family. Thus, they would prefer to stay in a nuclear family, and maintain less family members because it could be economical and privacy supportive. A recent survey shows that in Bangladesh the rising rate of nuclear families are increased 20% within one decade. Another change is that both parents are the bread winners for their families, and they have to play equal role at home. It has become socially acceptable for women partners to engage in different occupations and pursue a career. In my view, the changes described above can be harmful for a society. Many people leave traditional duty about caring elderly parents, because of pursuing the idea of a nuclear family. Thus, it is a common scenario in our society for elderly parents to stay at old age home rather than with families. At the same time, children and parents seem to be less close nowadays because both parents often work full time and spend less time with their offspring. Hence, children behaviour can be influenced by friends, television and the internet which leads them to experience with peer pressure and obesity related issues. In conclusion, the changing of family shape and its member responsibilities are a result of wider changes of society, I believe that these can disadvantageous for elderly and children in a society.
It is true that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
pattern and the function of its members are
progressively
varying at the moment. There can be
Possible agreement error. The noun type seems to be countable; consider using: "several types".
several type
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
occur, and I consider it to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
.

One of the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
is that, most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
become city dwellers due to effect of urbanization whereas living expenditures and circumstances are favorable for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Thus
, they would prefer to stay in a nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, and maintain less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it could be economical and privacy supportive. A recent survey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that in Bangladesh the rising rate of nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are increased
20% within one decade. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
is that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the bread winners for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, and they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
play equal role at home. It has become
socially
acceptable for women partners to engage in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
occupations and pursue a career.

In my view, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
above can be harmful for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
traditional duty about caring elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of pursuing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of a nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Thus
, it is a common scenario in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
for elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to stay at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age home
rather
than with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. At the same time, children and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
seem to be less close nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
work full time and spend less time with their offspring.
Hence
, children
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
can
be influenced
by friends, television and the internet which leads them to experience with peer pressure and obesity related issues.

In conclusion
, the changing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
shape and its member responsibilities are a result of wider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, I believe that
Did you mean "this can" or "these cans"?
these can
disadvantageous for elderly and children in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In recent years, the family structure and the role of its members are gradually changing. What kinds of changes can occur? Do you think these changes are positive or negative? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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