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Today more people are travelling than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of travelling for the traveller? v.10

Today more people are travelling than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of travelling for the traveller? v. 10
It is undeniable that travelling has become much more popular as compared to the past. There are several reasons why this is happening and this situation offers various benefits. More people are taking overseas trips for the following reasons. One of the reasons is to get a better education. These days, many students in the developing countries study in developed countries because many of the schools and universities there are of a higher quality. For example, most of the top ranked universities in the world are located in countries like America and the United Kingdom. In addition, people may need to go on business trips overseas. Because we live in a globalized world, a person working for a multinational company may often need to travel to another office overseas for work. Also, businessman and entrepreneurs often travel to neighbouring countries in order to expand their business. People who travel can experience many benefits. In the first place, they can gain invaluable experience through their time abroad. An example of this is that a person would encounter different cultures and customs when visiting and living in another country, which could make him or her more open-minded. Furthermore, people can also make new friends from different countries. The result of such friendship could be the creation of job opportunities or just the sharing of one’s different experiences. Consequently, the lives of both parties would be enriched. In conclusion, people go overseas nowadays in order to receive a better education or to work. Through going overseas, these people can broaden their horizons and widen their social circle. Given the above, it is recommended that everyone should consider taking a trip overseas at least once in their life.
It is undeniable that travelling has become much more popular as compared to the past.

There are several reasons why this is happening and this situation offers various benefits.

More
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overseas
trips for the following reasons. One of the reasons is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a better education. These days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students in the developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
study in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the schools and universities there are of a higher quality.

For example
, most of the top ranked universities in the world
are located
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like

America and the United Kingdom.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may need to go on business trips
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overseas
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a globalized world, a person working for a multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
need to travel to another office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overseas
for work.
Also
, businessman and entrepreneurs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
travel to
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbouring' is British English.
neighbouring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in order to expand their business.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who travel can experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits. In the
first
place, they can gain invaluable experience through their time abroad. An example of this is that a person would encounter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures and customs when visiting and living in another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, which could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
him or her more open-minded.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new friends from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. The result of such friendship could be the creation of job opportunities or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
the sharing of one’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
experiences.
Consequently
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of both parties would
be enriched
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overseas
nowadays in order to receive a better education or to work. Through going
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overseas
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can broaden their horizons and widen their social circle.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
the above, it
is recommended
that everyone should consider taking a trip
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overseas
at least once in their life.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Today more people are travelling than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of travelling for the traveller? v. 10

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
284 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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