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Some people prefer to work same job throughout their life while others like to change their jobs. Give your opinion. v.1

Some people prefer to work same job throughout their life while others like to change their jobs. Give your opinion. v. 1
Nowadays, most people are thinking about changing their jobs while another does not prefer to do it. It seems that we have the freedom to decide either we change our job or just stay with the same status we had. One benefit of staying on the job is the purpose of security. Providing the needs and other payments will be secured daily. For instance, the bills and the mortgage will easily be managed if you had a stable job as well. Moreover, the idea of moving out of the place could not possibly be happening. Considering the consequences, changing our jobs will be avoided. Other benefits of this concept are most employees will become more expert and well experienced in the professions they had. As a result, they would be having an award for loyalty and performance excellence. On the other side, despite some benefits of staying on the job, some people still opposing the idea. In the long term of service and getting stuck in the rut is possibly the reason for leaving. For instance, they are seeking for the promotion and high salaries, but still nothing to be given among them still feels useless over the years of hard work. They are aspiring to achieve a better life, so changing jobs might be a possible solution. Moreover, the feeling of excitement and desire is getting lost as long as we stay, then as a result, it will affect the productivity and the efficiency of the person. I therefore conclude that changing our jobs is more beneficial to attain excellence in our lives and to be more versatile in a way that we can do certain jobs that they had to offer.
Nowadays, most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are thinking about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changing
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
while another does not prefer to do it.

It seems that we have the freedom to decide either we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
stay with the same status we had.

One benefit of staying on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is the purpose of security.

Providing the needs and other payments will
be secured
daily.

For instance
, the bills and the mortgage will
easily
be managed
if you had a stable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
as well
.
Moreover
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of moving out of the place could not
possibly
be happening. Considering the consequences,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changing
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
will
be avoided
.

Other benefits of this concept are most employees will become more expert and well experienced in the professions they had.
As a result
, they would be having an award for loyalty and performance excellence.

On the other side, despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits of staying on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
still
opposing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. In the long term of service and getting stuck in the rut is
possibly
the reason for leaving.
For instance
, they are seeking for the promotion and high salaries,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
nothing to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
among them
still
feels useless over the years of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work. They are aspiring to achieve a better life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
might be a possible solution.
Moreover
, the feeling of excitement and desire is getting lost as long as we stay, then
as a result
, it will affect the productivity and the efficiency of the person.

I
therefore
conclude that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changing
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
is more beneficial to attain excellence in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and to be more versatile in a way that we can do certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
that they had to offer.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Some people prefer to work same job throughout their life while others like to change their jobs. Give your opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
8 paragraphs
283 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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