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In many countries, more and more young people are leaving school but unable to find jobs. What problems do you think youth unemployment causes for individuals and the society? What measures should be taken to reduce the level of unemployment among youngsters? v.1

In many countries, more and more young people are leaving school but unable to find jobs. What problems do you think youth unemployment causes for individuals and the society? What measures should be taken to reduce the level of unemployment among youngsters? v. 1
Job crisis is one the most critical problems for almost all of the countries and the there are lots of  negative consequences for the unemployment young and the society. The people are aware now about the education and the percentage of the people going to the colleges and universities are more than anytime it had before. So as a result, more students are graduating from the colleges and universities but with the increased population and limited opportunities, none can ensure the employment for all the graduating young people. There are many problems concerning those unemployed young people. First of all, they become so depressed and feel dejected. They start abusing drugs and start doing unethical things that are harmful both for themselves and for the society. Since they need money but have no steady income source so they involve them with some heinous task like drug dealing, stealing, robbery, blackmailing etc. They are often misused as political pawns and thus they corrupt the society at a large. If a society cannot ensure economic freedoms and jobs for the young, then it must suffer from numerous ethical disorders and social calamities. The rate of crimes increases and as young are the most dominating portion of any society, they gone uncontrolled and thus steal the peace of the whole society. A government as well the individuals should take many prudent steps to reduce the level of unemployment. For instance, the government should try to increase the job fields in every sector. Self-employment should be encouraged and the opportunity of SME loan should be introduced at a larger portion. Interest-free loans should be offered to those fresh graduates to encourage them building their own businesses and companies. Again, a government can arrange to send those skilled graduates to foreign countries diplomatically and thus can earn lots of foreign revenue. Finally, the individual should be self-motivated and hardworking to develop their own situation and help the society to become a better place to live in beside the efforts of the Government.
Job crisis is
Did you mean "one of"?
one
the most critical problems for almost
Consider using "all the".
all of the
countries and the there are lots of
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences for the unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are aware
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
about the education and the percentage of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
going to the colleges and universities are more than anytime it had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
as a result
, more students are graduating from the colleges and universities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with the increased population and limited opportunities, none can ensure the employment for all the graduating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems concerning those unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, they become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
depressed and feel dejected. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
abusing drugs and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
doing unethical things that are harmful both for themselves and for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. Since they need money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
have no steady income source
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they involve them with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
heinous task like drug dealing, stealing, robbery, blackmailing etc. They are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
misused as political pawns and
thus
they corrupt the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
at a large.

If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
cannot ensure economic freedoms and jobs for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
, then it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
suffer from numerous ethical disorders and social calamities. The rate of crimes increases and as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
are the most dominating portion of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, they gone uncontrolled and
thus
steal the peace of the whole society.

A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
as well
the individuals should take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
prudent steps to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the level of unemployment.
For instance
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should try to increase the job fields in every sector. Self-employment should
be encouraged
and the opportunity of SME loan should
be introduced
at a larger portion. Interest-free loans should
be offered
to those fresh graduates to encourage them building their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
businesses and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. Again, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can arrange to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
those skilled graduates to foreign countries
diplomatically
and
thus
can earn lots of foreign revenue.

Finally
, the individual should be self-motivated and hardworking to develop their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
situation and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
to become a better place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in beside the efforts of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, more and more young people are leaving school but unable to find jobs. What problems do you think youth unemployment causes for individuals and the society? What measures should be taken to reduce the level of unemployment among youngsters? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
337 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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