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To be a successful person, one must be open to new ideas and willing to change his or her mind v.2

To be a successful person, one must be open to new ideas and willing to change his or her mind v. 2
At 20th and 21st centuries with the galloping rate of science, there is no doubt that world is changing dramatically. Actually, no one can turn a blind eye to the direct and indirect effects of world in people’s daily lives. A simple recognition of this argument lends our discussion to the questions of how people can have promising future and keep up with the world. Although some people adhere to this belief that opening mind to new ideas cannot be useful, in my vantage point, being motivated to change mind can be highly beneficial due to the development of technology and finding a decent job. A first aspect to point out is that what provokes people to open their minds is development of technology. As a matter of fact, people need to enrich their knowledge and broaden their horizon in order to make progress. Also they should get familiar with the latest technologies which are introduced by the advent of Internet. To illustrate more, take a case of a student who does not have enough knowledge about how he can work by computer and hunt valuable information available on Net. it is axiomatic, neither can he compete with his skillful classmates, nor can he acquire best grades in class; however if he had kept abreast of world' s changes and opened his minds, he might have an extraordinary future. The second subtle point is that finding a decent occupation can be considered another advantage of accepting new ideas. It is absolutely undeniable, in the competitive world of today, jobs are being specialized and sophisticated so much so that everyone in charge of a particular job should enjoy strong analytical thinking skill. Without a shadow of doubt, people can fortify their analytical thinking by being exposed to different opinions. That is why they can make rational and immediate decisions when they face challenging situations, so they can seize valuable opportunities which are provided in their life. Not only can they run their own business, but also companies try to hire these ingenious persons. On the whole according to the above-mentioned points and details, it is crystal-clear that willing to change minds lead to person' s success because he will not lag behind modern life and he can find proper occupation. It is high time we stopped overlooking the fact that a person can have a promising future without taking risks or changing his opinions. Have you ever seen a successful person without enough information about technology? Can you consider a person prosperous without having a decent job? I absolutely believe no!
At 20th and 21st centuries with the galloping rate of science, there is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is changing
dramatically
. Actually, no one can turn a blind eye to the direct and indirect effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. A simple recognition of this argument lends our discussion to the questions of how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can have promising future and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
adhere to this belief that opening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
to new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
cannot be useful, in my vantage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
,
being motivated
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
can be
highly
beneficial due to the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and finding a decent job.

A
first
aspect to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
out is that what provokes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to open their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
minds
is development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. As a matter of fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to enrich their knowledge and broaden their horizon in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
progress.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
familiar with the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
which
are introduced
by the advent of Internet. To illustrate more, take a case of a student who does not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
knowledge about how he can work by computer and hunt valuable information available on Net.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
is axiomatic, neither can he compete with his skillful classmates, nor can he acquire best grades in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
;
however
if he had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
abreast of
Possible spelling mistake found.
world&
#039; s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
and opened his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
minds
, he might have an extraordinary future.

The second subtle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
is that finding a decent occupation can
be considered
another advantage of accepting new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
. It is
absolutely
undeniable, in the competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, jobs are
being specialized
and sophisticated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that everyone in charge of a particular job should enjoy strong analytical thinking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
. Without a shadow of doubt,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can fortify their analytical thinking by
being exposed
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions.
That is
why they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
rational and immediate decisions when they face challenging situations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can seize valuable opportunities which
are provided
in their life. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can they run their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
try to hire these ingenious persons.

On the whole
according to the above-mentioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
points
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, it is crystal-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
minds
lead to
Possible spelling mistake found.
person&
#039; s success
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he will not lag behind modern
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
life and
he can find proper occupation. It is high time we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
overlooking the fact that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
can have a promising future without taking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
or changing his opinions. Have you ever
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
without
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
information about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
? Can you consider a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
prosperous without having a decent job? I
absolutely
believe no!
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay To be a successful person, one must be open to new ideas and willing to change his or her mind v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
430 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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