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To be a successful person, one must be open to new ideas and willing to change his or her mind v.1

To be a successful person, one must be open to new ideas and willing to change his or her mind v. 1
Some believe that it is pointless for public libraries to continue in existence as computer technology can replace all their functions. While I agree that digital technology can bring us a convenient and efficient way to access information, public libraries make their own contributions to societal development. On the one hand, the increasingly advanced computer systems have revolutionized information access by making vast stores of information on many worlds accessible via internet. Through digitization, we could store a quantity of information almost inconceivable at any public libraries, accommodating the exponential increase in the amount of published information. Also, the online sources of information such as the electronic version of prominent newspapers could help internet users to keep themselves posted on the most updated occurrences. This is vital because societal development is dependent on whether individuals and corporates gain speedy and timely access to what is happening around them or not. On the other hand, although might no longer be the only information center of communities, public libraries are worth maintaining because of their nearly indispensable functions such as a recreation centre and a cultural treasure. In fact, public libraries encourage wholesome and constructive use of leisure time thanks to their ample material and services for change and relaxation, including both books in all subjects and audio-visual materials. This is particularly beneficial for children as there is an increasing public concern about overuse of hi-tech devices among them. Moreover, public libraries significantly contribute to culture by preserving important cultural materials of humanity. Antique literary remains in public libraries, for example, serve aquarian research, thereby providing the people of a community a sense of their cultural past. In conclusion, being far more than shelves of books, the values that public libraries bring to their communities are still a positive recreation and culture preservation. Thus, this social community should be sustained in the years to come despite the dizzying rush of technological innovations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that it is pointless for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
libraries to continue in existence as computer technology can replace all their functions. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that digital technology can bring us a convenient and efficient way to access
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
libraries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
contributions to societal development.

On the one hand, the
increasingly
advanced computer systems have revolutionized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
access by making vast stores of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
worlds accessible via internet. Through digitization, we could store a quantity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
almost inconceivable at any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
libraries, accommodating the exponential increase in the amount of published
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
.
Also
, the online sources of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
such as the electronic version of prominent newspapers could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
internet users to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves posted on the most updated occurrences. This is vital
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
societal development is dependent on whether individuals and
Possible spelling mistake found.
corporates
gain speedy and timely access to what is happening around them or not.

On the other hand
, although might no longer be the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
center of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
libraries are worth maintaining
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
nearly
indispensable functions such as a recreation
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
and a cultural treasure. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
libraries encourage wholesome and constructive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of leisure time thanks to their ample material and services for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and relaxation, including both books in all subjects and audio-visual materials. This is
particularly
beneficial for children as there is an increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
concern about overuse of hi-tech devices among them.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
libraries
significantly
contribute to culture by preserving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
cultural materials of humanity. Antique literary remains in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
libraries,
for example
, serve
Possible spelling mistake found.
aquarian
research, thereby providing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
a sense of their cultural past.

In conclusion
, being far more than shelves of books, the values that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
libraries bring to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
are
still
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
recreation and culture preservation.
Thus
, this social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
should
be sustained
in the years to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
despite the dizzying rush of technological innovations.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay To be a successful person, one must be open to new ideas and willing to change his or her mind v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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