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Throughout history, people have dreamed of living in a perfect society, but they have not agreed on what an ideal society would be like. What do you think is the most important element of a perfect society in the modern world? How can people work towards achieving an ideal society?

Throughout history, people have dreamed of living in a perfect society, but they have not agreed on what an ideal society would be like. What do you think is the most important element of a perfect society in the modern world? How can people work towards achieving an ideal society? v. 5
Throughout history, each human being has fought to obtain a high level of social standards. Every people's dreams differ from others because everyone's notion of daily life standards varies in terms of their level locating in Maslow's Pyramid. This paradigm tells us that each human has unique needs to achieve his/her full potential area, and it consists of some basic items security, love, dignity, and so on. When we take into consideration this study, even if every creature makes different inferences when they are asked what the ideal society is, there are still some common ground ideas. On my part, the ideal society's most essential elements compose of the notion of respect and eradicate poverty. To begin with, since society can stand forever, live sustainably, and its inhabitants can get on well, it should have the situation that people respect each other in every circumstance. Societies consist of human beings, and at this stage, people's characteristic features gain importance while evaluating the ideal society. If the atmosphere does not include this habit, citizens deeply feel social unrest, so this may lead the pollution in especially big cities because those who don't respect their neighbors don't give importance in that regards too. Furthermore, even though everything altered and people achieve their desires more comfortably than in the past, they cannot eradicate the term of poverty. Even some people are dying because of devoiding of food and care, while the vast majority of western societies' citizens might get obese. It doesn't suit my ideal society dream because tons of bread is thrown away into the trashes while numerous people lose their health due to devoiding of at least standards that help them survive in every single second. To sum up, an ideal society consists of people who get on well the others, live in peace and quiet, don't think whether they survive that day, or lose their health because of poverty. The notion of respect abandons places where it loses its prestige, and so no one can mention society rules without keeping respect in mind because those who don't have respect for anything will not take into account anything related governing how to live in a society.
Throughout history, each human being has fought to obtain a high level of social standards. Every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's dreams differ from others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
everyone's notion of daily life standards varies in terms of their level locating in Maslow's Pyramid. This paradigm
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tells
us that each human has unique needs to achieve his/her full potential area, and it consists of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
basic
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "items'" or "item's"?
items
security,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, dignity, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. When we take into consideration this study, even if every creature
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
inferences when they
are asked
what the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
is, there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
common ground
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
. On my part, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideal
society's most essential elements compose of the notion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
respect
and eradicate poverty.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
can stand forever,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
sustainably
, and its inhabitants can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
on well, it should have the situation that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
respect
each other in every circumstance.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Societies
consist of human beings, and at this stage,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's characteristic features gain importance while evaluating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. If the atmosphere does not include this habit, citizens
deeply
feel social unrest,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this may lead the pollution in
especially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
those who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
don't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
respect
their neighbors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
don't
give importance in that regards too.

Furthermore
,
even though
everything altered and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
achieve their desires more
comfortably
than in the past, they cannot eradicate the term of poverty. Even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are dying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
devoiding
of food and care, while the vast majority of western societies' citizens might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
obese. It doesn't suit my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
dream
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
tons of bread
is thrown
away into the trashes while numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lose their health due to
Possible spelling mistake found.
devoiding
of at least standards that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them survive in every single second.

To sum up, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
consists of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
on well the others,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in peace and quiet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
whether they survive that day, or lose their health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of poverty. The notion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
respect
abandons places where it loses its prestige, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
no one can mention
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
without keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
respect
in mind
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
those who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
don't
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
respect
for anything will not take into account anything related governing how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
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IELTS essay Throughout history, people have dreamed of living in a perfect society, but they have not agreed on what an ideal society would be like. What do you think is the most important element of a perfect society in the modern world? How can people work towards achieving an ideal society?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
365 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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