Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion? v.12

Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion? v. 12
Today, there is an increasing popularity of shows that portray real life violent incidences and computer games that involve extremely barbaric acts. I strongly feel that the kind of shows and games could be highly influential by the viewers and have a bad impact on them. Firstly, studies show that a large proportion of youngsters enjoy playing violent games. These games are made utilizing the latest technology to give the audience a larger than life feel. The huge machinery and arms being used for this purpose makes the public feel like they are in a very powerful state. For example, the latest trending game Pubg, is a combat game where the players are involved in slaughtering their enemies to survive. This has become one of the most popular games among teenagers now. Secondly there is a fact that all human beings act according to what they watch or see since they are born. Children who watch violent tv shows and programs, might end up thinking that this is the normal behaviour of people. In particular, school going children watching movies involving fighting scenes might end up bullying their classmates and getting involved in fights. The majority of the uneducated population watching such movies and shows idealise these aggressive characters and tend to act like them. These shows and games being available to people of age group without and restriction could be the root cause. With many teenagers getting addicted to these media platforms, it has been reported that the number of teens getting addicted to drugs and drinking has also increased. Also, the crime scenes like thefts or even trafficking, involving, under aged criminal has seen a rise in the recent days. Imposing strict rules to limit the production of such entertainment and also having a very stringent age limit that can access this can be one of the many ways to overcome this matter. In conclusion, since we are living in a technology driven world, the lessons learnt from the tv and computer has a very severe impact on the upbringing and behaviour of people. I strongly believe that this issue can be circumvented by the authorities in each country.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, there is an increasing popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
that portray real life violent incidences and computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
that involve
extremely
barbaric acts. I
strongly
feel that the kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
could be
highly
influential by the viewers and have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact on them.

Firstly
, studies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
that a large proportion of youngsters enjoy playing violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are made
utilizing the latest technology to give the audience a larger than life feel. The huge machinery and arms being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for this purpose
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the public feel like they are in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
powerful state.
For example
, the latest trending game
Possible spelling mistake found.
Pubg
, is a combat game where the players
are involved
in slaughtering their enemies to survive. This has become one of the most popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

Secondly
there is a fact that all human beings act according to what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
since they
are born
. Children who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
violent
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
and programs, might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up thinking that this is the normal
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
In particular
, school going children watching movies involving fighting scenes might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up bullying their classmates and getting involved in fights. The majority of the uneducated population watching such movies and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
Possible spelling mistake. 'idealise' is British English.
idealise
these aggressive characters and tend to act like them.

These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
being available to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of age group without and restriction could be the root cause. With
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
getting addicted to these media platforms, it has
been reported
that the number of teens getting addicted to drugs and drinking has
also
increased.
Also
, the crime scenes like thefts or even trafficking, involving, under aged criminal has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a rise in the recent days. Imposing strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
to limit the production of such entertainment and
also
having a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
stringent age limit that can access this can be one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to overcome this matter.

In conclusion
, since we are living in a technology driven world, the lessons
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
from the
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
and computer has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
severe impact on the upbringing and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. I
strongly
believe that this issue can
be circumvented
by the authorities in each country.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion? v. 12

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
361 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts