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Throughout history, male leaders always lead us to violence and conflict. If a society is governed by female leaders, it will be more peaceful. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.1

Throughout history, male leaders always lead us to violence and conflict. If a society is governed by female leaders, it will be more peaceful. with this opinion? v. 1
It is considered by some that male politicians are responsible for aggression and constant tensions between countries whereas others think that if women were elevated into roles, we would have a more peaceful society. Personally, I am not agreeing with this viewpoint that only females can lead the team without any illegal activities. Indeed, many fear wars attended with painful consequences, have occurred under female leadership. Unfortunately, it is absurd to say that feminine leadership model will make the world more peaceful. By this I mean, history shows that female leaders could also make bellicose decisions that men do in the face of oppressive conditions and provocative actions. For example, is that Victoria, after becoming queen of the United Kingdom, also invaded India, China and so many other countries in close succession. In fact, this is a clear indication that a female leader cannot guarantee and peaceful society. Furthermore, conflicts often happen because of inability or bad leadership skills in running his or her management. This is to say that incapability of leaders, regardless of their gender, causing many problems leading to the unsatisfactory of people and the decline in trust level of public towards the government, both of which likely to result chaos, clash and conflict. For instance, many countries like India, Pakistan and Bangladesh were governed by female leaders and yet the violence and conflicts increased during their time. In addition to it, ladies cannot give priority to their feminine feelings while making policy. In other words, a leader either male or female, need to take action according to the situation to remove the gap between genders. In conclusion, the ability of a country to avoid and prevent conflict and violence depends on the capability of leaders to run the country. In my humble opinion, it is not wise to say that men with their masculinity bring violence and the women with their femininity will be able to bring peace to the people.
It
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that male politicians are responsible for aggression and constant tensions between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
whereas others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that if women
were elevated
into roles, we would have a more peaceful society.
Personally
, I
The verb 'agreeing' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
am not agreeing
with this viewpoint that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
can lead the team without any illegal activities.
Indeed
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fear wars attended with painful consequences, have occurred under
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
leadership.

Unfortunately, it is absurd to say that feminine leadership model will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the world more peaceful. By this I mean, history
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
could
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
bellicose decisions that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
do in the face of oppressive conditions and provocative actions.
For example
, is that Victoria, after becoming queen of the United Kingdom,
also
invaded India, China and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in close succession. In fact, this is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
indication that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
cannot guarantee and peaceful society.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conflicts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
happen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of inability or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
leadership
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in running
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
management. This is to say that incapability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
, regardless of their gender, causing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems leading to
The phrase 'the unsatisfactory of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the unsatisfactory of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and the decline in trust level of public towards the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, both of which likely to result chaos, clash and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conflict
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like India, Pakistan and Bangladesh
were governed
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
and
yet
the violence and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conflicts
increased during their time.
In addition
to it, ladies cannot give priority to their feminine feelings while making policy.
In other words
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
either male or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
, need to take action according to the situation to remove the gap between genders.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
conclusion, the ability of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to avoid and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conflict
and violence depends on the capability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
to run the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
my humble opinion, it is not wise to say that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
with their masculinity bring violence and the women with their femininity will be able to bring peace to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Throughout history, male leaders always lead us to violence and conflict. If a society is governed by female leaders, it will be more peaceful. with this opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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