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Some think that buildings should be constructed with functionality in mind, as it is more important than design. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some think that buildings should be constructed with functionality in mind, as it is more important than design. v. 1
MANY PEOPLE IN THE WORLD ARE LIVING WITHOUT EATING PROPERLY. HOWEVER, SOME IMPROVEMENTS HAVE BEEN DOING IN AGRICULTURE. FURTHERMORE, NEITHER EVERY COUNTRY HAS ENOUGH SPACE TO CROP, AND THE SOCIAL DIFFERENCE IS HUGE, BETWEEN POORS AND RICHES. SOME COUNTRIES HAVE ISSUES, IN THERMS OF CROPPING BECAUSE, THEY DO NOT HAVE PLENTY AREA AVAILABLE TO DO IT. THERE ARE PLACES WHERE THE EARTH IS NOT SO GOOD TO PRODUCE VEGETABLE, FRUITS, AND OTHERS KIND OF FOOD TO FEED THE ALL POPULATION. TAKING CHINA AS AN EXAMPLE, I HAVE READ IN SERVERAL TRUST ARTICLES THAT CHINESES HAVE EATEN SOME UNCOMMON FOODS SUCH AS A DOG, BECAUSE THEY DO NOT HAVE ANY PLACE TO CROP, SO IF THEY DO NOT EAT IT THEY WILL DIE. THERE IS A POSSIBLE GOOD SOLUTION FOR THIS SITUATION IS TO IMPORT FOOD FROM OTHER COUNTRIES. ON THE OTHER SIDE, THERE ARE SOME PROBLEMS WITH THE SOCIAL DIFFERENCES. SOME HAVE MUCH MONEY AND OTHERS HAVE NOTHING. AS A RESULT OF THIS, EVEN THOUGH IN SOME CONTRIES WHERE THE SPACE IS ENOUGH, THERE ARE MANY PEOPLE HUNGRY, BECAUSE THEY CANNOT AFFORD WITH THE PRICE OF FOOD, IT IS EXPENSIVE IN SOME CITIES. IT WILL BE SOLVED, IF THE GOVERNMENT HELPS THE POOR POPULATION EARN MORE MONEY, MAYBE IF INVESTMENTS WERE DIRECTED FOR EDUCATION IN ORDER TO HELP THEM TO BUILD A CARREER, IT WOULD HAVE A GREAT RESULT. TO CONCLUDE, INDEED SOME DEVELOPMENTS IN AGRICULTURE FIELD, ARE MADE IN ORDER TO SOLVE THE HUNGRY. HOWEVER THESE IMPROVEMENTS ARE NOT SUFFICIENT, THERE ARE OTHER ISSUES SUCH AS POVERTY AND EARTH AVAILABLE.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
MANY
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PEOPLE
IN THE WORLD ARE LIVING WITHOUT EATING
PROPERLY
.
HOWEVER
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
IMPROVEMENTS HAVE BEEN DOING IN AGRICULTURE.
FURTHERMORE
, NEITHER EVERY COUNTRY HAS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
ENOUGH
SPACE TO CROP, AND THE SOCIAL DIFFERENCE IS HUGE, BETWEEN
Possible spelling mistake found.
POORS
AND RICHES.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
COUNTRIES HAVE ISSUES, IN THERMS OF CROPPING
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
, THEY DO NOT HAVE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
PLENTY
AREA AVAILABLE TO DO IT. THERE ARE PLACES WHERE THE EARTH IS NOT
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GOOD
TO PRODUCE VEGETABLE, FRUITS,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
AND OTHERS
KIND OF
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
FOOD
TO FEED
Possible typo. Did you mean "THE" or "ALL"?
THE ALL
POPULATION. TAKING CHINA AS AN EXAMPLE, I HAVE READ IN
Possible spelling mistake found.
SERVERAL
TRUST ARTICLES THAT
Possible spelling mistake found.
CHINESES
HAVE EATEN
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
UNCOMMON
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
FOODS
SUCH AS A DOG,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
THEY DO NOT HAVE ANY PLACE TO CROP,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SO
IF THEY DO NOT EAT IT THEY WILL
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
DIE
. THERE IS A POSSIBLE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GOOD
SOLUTION FOR THIS SITUATION IS TO IMPORT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
FOOD
FROM
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
OTHER
COUNTRIES.

ON THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
OTHER
SIDE, THERE ARE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
PROBLEMS WITH THE SOCIAL DIFFERENCES.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
HAVE MUCH MONEY
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
AND OTHERS
HAVE NOTHING.
AS A RESULT
OF THIS,
EVEN THOUGH
IN
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
Possible spelling mistake found.
CONTRIES
WHERE THE SPACE IS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
ENOUGH
, THERE ARE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
MANY
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PEOPLE
HUNGRY,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
THEY CANNOT AFFORD WITH THE PRICE OF
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
FOOD
, IT IS EXPENSIVE IN
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
CITIES. IT WILL
BE SOLVED
, IF THE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GOVERNMENT
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
HELPS
THE POOR POPULATION EARN MORE MONEY, MAYBE IF INVESTMENTS
WERE DIRECTED
FOR EDUCATION IN ORDER TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
HELP
THEM TO BUILD A
Possible spelling mistake found.
CARREER
, IT WOULD HAVE A GREAT RESULT.

TO CONCLUDE
,
INDEED
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
DEVELOPMENTS IN AGRICULTURE FIELD,
ARE MADE
IN ORDER TO SOLVE THE HUNGRY.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
HOWEVER
THESE IMPROVEMENTS ARE NOT SUFFICIENT, THERE ARE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
OTHER
ISSUES SUCH AS POVERTY AND EARTH AVAILABLE.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay Some think that buildings should be constructed with functionality in mind, as it is more important than design. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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