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In most developed countries shopping is not only about buying the goods you need, it is also perceived as entertainment. Is it a positive or negative development? Give your own opinion and examples based on your experience v.5

In most developed countries shopping is not only about buying the goods you need, it is also perceived as entertainment. Is it a positive or negative development? Give your own opinion and examples based on your experience v. 5
Nowadays, we live in a society based on consuming. Consumerism is not only buying everyday things that we need to survive, but is also shopping as a form of amusement. Some people hold the opinion that this is a positive trend while others have conflicting views. In my opinion, this act creates extravagant, impulsive shoppers as well as wasting our time and money without any intellectual or physical benefit. The main reason why people entertain themselves by shopping is the incredible influence of marketing campaigns. Admittedly, we are bombarded by their claims that we will feel more complete, gorgeous and satisfied when we buy their products. Moreover, they subconsciously persuade us to purchase objects that we do not need which waste our money for no purpose. For example, my mate bought a plethora of luxurious accessories so as to look extremely pretty, but this ended at her financial debts. Thus, excessive buying is considered as a tricky trap rather than a pure joy. Moreover, listening to marketing gangsters of hypermarkets who offer tremendous dozens of goods with outstanding discounts would turn us into materialistic creatures that only care for what they have not what they are. That is because it deviates individuals against life morals and intellectual identity. To illustrate, we all have met people who are keen to buy all brand-new objects became obcessive about shopping and turn like hypnotized individuals who do not care for their jobs, studies. Hence, excessive focusing on shopping out of entertainment can cause a brain wash for people and hinder other life goals. In conclusion, I believe that it is not advisable to shop for entertainment, as it may harm the individual on financial and moral levels.
Nowadays, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a society based on consuming. Consumerism is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
buying everyday things that we need to survive,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
is
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
as a form of amusement.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hold the opinion that this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend while others have conflicting views. In my opinion, this act creates extravagant, impulsive shoppers
as well
as wasting our time and money without any intellectual or physical benefit.

The main reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
entertain themselves by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is the incredible influence of marketing campaigns.
Admittedly
, we
are bombarded
by their claims that we will feel more complete, gorgeous and satisfied when we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
their products.
Moreover
, they
subconsciously
persuade us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
objects that we do not need which waste our money for no purpose.
For example
, my mate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
a plethora of luxurious accessories
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
look
The extreme adjective for pretty is "gorgeous".
extremely pretty
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this ended at her financial debts.
Thus
, excessive buying
is considered
as a tricky trap
rather
than a pure joy.

Moreover
, listening to marketing gangsters of hypermarkets who offer tremendous dozens of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
with outstanding discounts would turn us into materialistic creatures that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
care for what they have not what they are.
That is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it deviates individuals against life morals and intellectual identity. To illustrate, we all have met
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are keen to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
all brand-new objects became
Possible spelling mistake found.
obcessive
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
and turn like hypnotized individuals who do not care for their jobs, studies.
Hence
, excessive focusing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
out of entertainment can cause a brain wash for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and hinder other life goals.

In conclusion
, I believe that it is not advisable to shop for entertainment, as it may harm the individual on financial and moral levels.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay In most developed countries shopping is not only about buying the goods you need, it is also perceived as entertainment. Is it a positive or negative development? Give your own opinion and examples based on your experience v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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