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These days, too many people maintain their health by relying on doctors and medicine, rather than by following a healthy lifestyle. To what extent do you agree with this statement? v.2

These days, too many people maintain their health by relying on doctors and medicine, rather than by following a healthy lifestyle. v. 2
Recently, in the digital age, the education system has marked an incredible conversion. Online courses have become more and more popular thanks to the advancements of technology. Some people prefer Internet-based classes while others still have an interest in studying in traditional classes. However, studying remotely has both benefits and drawbacks compared to University-based classes as below. On the one hand, it is noticeable that Internet-based courses provide convenience for students in some aspects. To begin with, students who attend online classes can save a great amount of money. For instance, a student who desires to study abroad can now enroll in online courses wherever he/she has a network connection without worrying about commuting expenses, house renting costs, cost of living, etc. Moreover, virtual programs offer more flexible time than face-to-face classes. They create more opportunities for workers, officers, and even students to work and study at the same time. In recent years, a variety of online courses with affordable fees have been opened for different age groups. Thus, people who are working in offices, factories can join these classes to enhance their knowledge and skills. On the other hand, virtual classes have some disadvantages that should be taken into consideration. First of all, students learning online may not comprehend the lessons as students attending traditional classes. In-class training provides a direct discussion between students and lecturers to solve problems immediately. Furthermore, University-based classes also promote social skills and working skills for students. For example, students can learn about different situations in which they work with many kinds of teammates. In conclusion, in comparison with the in-class education system, modern education like online classes provides a great number of advantages for students. However, traditional classes still have some positive aspects that cannot be replaced by online education.
Recently, in the digital age, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system has marked an incredible conversion.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
have become more and more popular thanks to the advancements of technology.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer Internet-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
while others
still
have an interest in studying in traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
.
However
, studying
remotely
has both benefits and drawbacks compared to University-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
as below.

On the one hand, it is noticeable that Internet-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
provide convenience for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
aspects. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
can save a great amount of money.
For instance
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
who desires to study abroad can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
enroll in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
wherever he/she has a network connection without worrying about commuting expenses,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
renting costs, cost of living, etc.
Moreover
, virtual programs offer more flexible time than face-to-face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
. They create more opportunities for workers, officers, and even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to work and study at the same time. In recent years, a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
with affordable fees have
been opened
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
age groups.
Thus
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are working in offices, factories can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
to enhance their knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

On the other hand
, virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages that should
be taken
into consideration.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
may not comprehend the lessons as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
attending traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
. In-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
training provides a direct discussion between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and lecturers to solve problems immediately.
Furthermore
, University-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
also
promote social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can learn about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
situations in which they work with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kinds of teammates.

In conclusion
,
in comparison
with the in-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
provides a great number of advantages for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
However
, traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
still
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects that cannot
be replaced
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay These days, too many people maintain their health by relying on doctors and medicine, rather than by following a healthy lifestyle. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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