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The graph and chart below give information about 3D cinema screens and film releases. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant. v.1

The graph and chart below give information about 3D cinema screens and film releases.
It is said that the main parameter in designing a construction is its function rather than its exterior design. But I do not think a building’s use is more important than its appearance. Exterior design is as prominent as the function because it affects people’s spiritual well being. Fascinating and novel designs with a variety of colours or application of some objects like small light bulbs for light-designing in the façade of a building improves the visual beauty of the city. The beauty resulted from diversity in appearance freshens people up and they feel more alive in such Cities. This good feeling can reduce the stress and tension they face in their hectic life. So that a city with beautifully designed buildings can influence people spiritually. Moreover, Exterior designing increases job security for architects and designers. A large group of people study in universities for many years to establish their firms and work as an architect or designer. By reduction in the importance of exterior designing, many of these people have fewer jobs to do. So their job security decreases. On the other hand, considering a building’s function the most important factor in designing and pay less attention to its outward appearance is an environmentally friendly behaviour. Because construction materials needed for a building reduce. As people care less about the façade, they use these resources which are mostly unrenewable like marble stones or ornamental bricks for the façade less which is an environmentally friendly behaviour. However, there are also some environmentally friendly measures which can be taken in designing a building’s outward appearance. For Example, designing a marble stone façade will reduce electrical energy consumption used for cooling in summer as it absorbs heat less than concrete. In conclusion, although a building’s use is a prominent factor in its designing, it is not the most important one and other parameters like the outward appearance is as important.
It
is said
that the main parameter in designing a construction is its function
rather
than its exterior design.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
than its appearance.

Exterior design is as prominent as the function
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it affects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
spiritual
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
. Fascinating and novel designs with a variety of
Possible spelling mistake. 'colours' is British English.
colours
or application of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
objects like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
light bulbs for light-designing in the façade of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the visual beauty of the city. The beauty resulted from diversity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
freshens
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
up and
they feel more alive in
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
such


Cities. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
feeling can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and tension they face in their hectic life.
“So that” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
So that
a city with
beautifully
designed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
can influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spiritually
.

Moreover
, Exterior designing increases job security for architects and designers. A large group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
study in universities for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years to establish their firms and work as an architect or designer. By reduction in the importance of exterior designing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have fewer jobs to do.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
their job security decreases.

On the other hand
, considering a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building’s
function the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
factor in designing and pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
attention to its outward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
is an
environmentally
friendly
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
construction materials needed for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
about the façade, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these resources which are
mostly
Possible spelling mistake found.
unrenewable
like marble stones or ornamental bricks for the façade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
which is an
environmentally
friendly
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
However
, there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
environmentally
friendly measures which can
be taken
in designing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building’s
outward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
.
For Example
, designing a marble stone façade will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
electrical energy consumption
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for cooling in summer as it absorbs heat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
than concrete.

In conclusion
, although a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
is a prominent factor in its designing, it is not the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
one and other parameters like the outward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
is as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay The graph and chart below give information about 3D cinema screens and film releases.

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
318 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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